I wanted to take a few moments to pay respect to Star Trek: Enterprise as this Friday it wraps up a two-part story entitled “In a Mirror, Darkly.” It’s total continuity porn, serving as a prequel to the classic Star Trek episode “Mirror, Mirror,” and a sequel to another old story, “The Tholian Web.”

In a unique departure, the tale is set entirely within the Mirror Universe and features none of the regular characters, but rather their twisted alternates. Treachery, barbarism and bare midriffs ensue.

(SPOILERS ahoy! Skip the next two paragraphs if you don’t want to know.)

The episode opens with what appears to be the moment of divergence for the Mirror Universe: we see the final scenes of Star Trek: First Contact, as Zefram Cochrane greets the Vulcan explorers. And shoots them.

The plot centers around the U.S.S. Defiant, a Constitution-Class starship seen in “The Tholian Web,” where it disappeared into a dimensional rift. Turns out that not only was it transported to the Mirror Universe, but removed from the time of Captain Kirk more than 100 years into the past. Evil Archer and the Tholians both crave the advanced technology within. And, apparently, there’s a Gorn onboard to boot, though that’s not revealed ’til part two.

Now, if you’re not a Trekkie, most of the preceding made no sense, but it made me sit back with a contented sigh. This was the Enterprise I’d hoped for when the series was first announced.

I was excited when I heard that the fifth live-action Trek series would be set prior to the founding of the Federation. I’ve always loved the original adventures of Kirk and Co., and felt that much of that fun was lost in the various follow-up shows. I fervently wished for Star Trek stories told with the bravado of the original, and dealing with the heretofore untold history of the franchise.

However, right from the start, it was clear that something was amiss. Despite obvious attempts to break from the feel of modern Trek, such as casual clothes and a pop song for a title theme, the storytelling and incidental music would’ve fit right into The Next Generation or Voyager.

Furthermore, while there were thrown to Trekkies in the form of classic aliens such as the Andorians, the primary antagonists were a race (the Suliban) we’d never heard of before, and the central story arc regarded a poorly thought-out “temporal war” that never went anywhere and ended only when the writers called it a day. The killer for me was when the entire third season left familiar territory behind for an extended storyline starring another brand-new alien threat.

You might ask whether it’s so terrible to try something different than to merely wallow in continuity and fanwankery. Normally, I’d agree, but the entire point of Enterprise was to show us how it had all began. Why was it expending so much energy on events that we already knew had no bearing on the “future?”

This year, someone at Trek Central figured this out, and suddenly we had stories about Romulans, Orions, Organians and the Eugenics Wars. Enterprise had finally become the series I’d always hoped for…which means, of course, that it had to go. It’s as if the creative team knew they’d be cancelled, and said, “What the fuck.”

The very coolest thing about “In a Mirror, Darkly” is that, in keeping with the evil universe theme, the entire title sequence was revised. The sappy vocals were tossed to make way for a snappy, martial theme which plays over scenes of warfare throughout the centuries, culminating in the planting of a Terran Empire flag on a lunar surface. I want to stress the coolness of this: they made an evil title sequence.

Tune in this Friday for part two!

Dave Sci-Fi

I love receiving wildly inappropriate junk mail, so I got a kick out of this one, which arrived yesterday.

Inside, the piece read, “Our Birthday Gift to You. Because you are a valued Victoria’s Secret customer, we invite you to celebrate your birthday with this special gift.” Enclosed was a card worth $10 off any purchase in May.

There are two problems with this. (Three, if you count the fact that I’m neither a woman nor a crossdresser.)

1) I’ve made all of one purchase from Victoria’s Secret in the past decade. (And it was for my wife, so shut up.) I’m hardly a valued customer.

2) My birthday is in July.

Dave Weird

Saturday morning, I braved the wilds of Indiana to bring you this report from the Star Wars Celebration III convention. This was the latest, and presumably last, of a series of sanctioned-by-Lucasfilm megafests.

One of my favorite costumes was this stylish R2-D2 minidress.

I felt that I was almost obliged to attend, as it was conveniently located about two hours away in downtown Indianapolis, and because it may be something of a last hurrah for Star Wars fans. While I had gone to several days of Celebration II back in 2002, I had decided that one day was enough for me this time. I was primarily interested in the dealers’ room and the Lucasfilm prop exhibit.

So, I got my ass up at 5:00 am and drove to Indy, assuming that I’d be there in plenty of time for the start of the registration line. And indeed I was, except for one thing:

A sign which said that sales of Saturday tickets were temporarily suspended.

Bounty hunters did the universe a favor by trapping Jar Jar Binks in carbonite.

You see, there might have only been the usual level of insanity that comes from thousands of raging of Star Wars fans descending upon one location, if it weren’t for the announcement only a few weeks before that George Lucas himself would be attending…but only on Saturday. And apparently, there are still plenty of fans who have not been put off by Lord Lucas over the past few years and wanted to see the Bearded One in person.

In short, it was fucking nuts. A special “Lucas Line” had been set up the night before, and I heard that many people stood outside overnight. Keep in mind that despite this being late April, a cold snap had sent temperatures (which had reached highs in the 80s only a few days before) plunging below the freezing point.

A line. I saw lots of these.

When I arrived, it was in the high 30s/low 40s, and raining. And I was being told that because of the crowds, the fire marshal had ordered that ticket sales be suspended. More tickets might be sold after noon (when Lucas would be safely on a plane to Neverland Ranch), so I was advised to come back in a few hours rather than freeze.

I chose to stay. I stood in line next to a really nice, middle-aged couple from Ohio. She was a fan, he wasn’t (he was quite pleasant about it, however), and she was debating bailing on the whole thing, though she admitted that she would’ve probably stuck it out if he hadn’t been there.

It was fortunate that she waited, because the line inexplicably began moving, and–long story short–we managed to get Saturday tickets after all! (I believe that they later found the fire marshal bound and gagged in a closet.) Geek badge proudly displayed, nothing else could faze me at that point. I didn’t even care if I got in; knowing that I could get in was enough.

Han who?

After a relaxing breakfast at Steak and Shake (no was I was gonna wait another 90 minutes in that cold waiting for the exhibit doors to open), I got into the longest line I’ve ever seen. (The second-longest line I’ve ever seen was three years ago at Celebration II.) Things weren’t too bad for me as I had my winter coat, but the women dressed as Padme and the morons who came in shirt sleeves were suffering. At least the Stormtroopers looked warm, as did the Jedi with the guitar serenading the line with his rendition of Weird Al’s “The Saga Begins.”

I managed to get into the building before 11:00 am, feeling proud of the accomplishment, and sorry for the saps who walked up at 10:30 am looking for the ticket line.

One of several nifty custom cars.

Inside was even more crazy than outside, and much warmer. A bit too warm. Suddenly, the folks in costume had gone from the smartest people in the room to the sweatiest. Off came the coat and sweatshirt, and because of the scarcity of lockers, I had to lug them around all day.

Lines were everywhere. If there was something worth seeing, chances were good that there’d be a line stretching all the way to Tatooine. I saw a sign next to the line for the official Celebration III store which said that the wait from that point was seven hours.

Apparently, the Gen Con folks (who also run the Celebrations) learned nothing from last time. Once again there was an exclusive action figure–a Darth Vader with a James Earl Jones voice chip–available only at the official store. And once again, they failed to do something sensible like have a cash-only line for those who wanted to buy only their daily allotment of Vaders. Thanks to this arrangement, I never even saw the official store; I went down at 5:00 pm, thinking that the line would have abated once the Vaders had been sold, only to discover that it had been shut down for the day. There were so many people still inside that they wouldn’t be able to process any more until the store closed two hours later.

That was okay, I really don’t need a Vader which welcomes me to Celebration III. I think that a lot of others must’ve felt the same way, considering how many of the Vaders that were purchased that weekend found their way to the dealer booths. Dealers were offering thirty to forty bucks per figure, and there were lots of takers.

Now, all of this may sound like a perfectly miserable experience, but I actually had a pretty good time, aside from having to lug my crap around all day. Most people were friendly enough, despite the overcrowding. And the ambiance was truly intoxicating for a dyed-in-the-wool Star Wars geek like me.

One of the highlights for me was the six-foot-long Republic Cruiser made out of Lego bricks. Lego had a large booth, and were running a “build a Star Destroyer” tournament, in which teams competed to complete the 3,000+ piece model in the shortest time. Cable channels such as G4 and Game Show Network covered the event, and the winning team paraded their warship around the hall before smashing it to pieces.

Many of the costumes were terrific, and I got the biggest kick out of the teeny kids dressed as Princess Leia. There were tons of Stormtroopers, most of which were providing actual security for the event. (A bit ominous, if you think about it. But all in good fun.) Some of the better/more interesting ones included an Elvis Stormtrooper, a Slave Leia with the body to pull it off, and an awesome General Grievous made out of PVC pipe.

While I did buy some Star Wars paraphenalia, I found myself with money left over at the end. It was hard to see everything in the crowded booths, and many of the prices were absurdly high, even for a convention. Furthermore, there didn’t seem to be as much variety as I expected. Virtually all of the independent dealers brought toys, and nothing but toys. Nothing wrong with that, except that trade paperbacks or other ephemera were hard to find.

I finally bought a Jawa Sandcrawler for my collection, as well as an art print of said Sandcrawler from the DK booth. DK is the company that prints those snazzy books with cut-away drawings of Star Wars vehicles and locations, and I got one signed by two of the artists. They even took the time to doodle a couple of vehicles!

All in all, it was fun, if exhausting.

And yes, I’ve already bought my tickets for Revenge of the Sith!

The end.

Dave Star Wars

This morning I dropped my subscription to the City of Heroes online role-playing game. There was nothing wrong; in fact, I quite enjoyed my time in Paragon City. It’s just that I realized that I hadn’t played in at least a couple of months, and that I’m simply more interested in other stuff right now. So long, Ms. Mesmer, you were a valiant heroine.

One of my current activities is, ironically enough, another superhero-based computer game: Freedom Force vs. the Third Reich. It’s a squad-based strategy game in which one leads an ever-changing roster of ’60s style comic book heroes against the forces of badness, including, I’m told, Nazis. I love old-fashioned, earnest superheroics, and I love fighting Nazis, so I’m having a good time.

I’ve also been doing more Warhammer 40K modeling. I used my “educator’s discount” at Borders last weekend to pick up a copy of the Battle for Macragge starter set, which includes a full squad of Space Marines and a couple of units of nasty, alien Tyranids. I’m hoping to put together a small Tyranid army in the not-so-distant future, and also to give my Sisters of Battle a bit of Space Marine help.

Dave Videogames City of Heroes, Warhammer

I generally hate air travel, mostly because I hate the stress of making connections, waiting out delays and lugging heavy bags from one end of O’Hare to the other. Thankfully, my trip to and from Vegas was almost completely uneventful. On the way back to Chicago, American did stick me in the next-to-last row–looking out at the rear engine–but moved me up to the front after I mentioned my short time window between connections.

Since I got back, I’ve been able to do little more than climb back into my groove, though I did manage to put together a photo album of Vegas (mostly of the Star Trek Experience. Haven’t had time to come up with pithy captions, so I’ll let the pictures speak for themselves for now. However, I will say that if you want to see what I look like drunk, check out the photo of me and the Ferengi.

Click on the James Tea Kirk to see the gallery!

Dave General air travel, alcohol, Las Vegas, photos, Star Trek

This entry is coming to you direct from the floor of the PBS Showcase conference at the MGM Grand in Las Vegas. This is an annual meeting for public television professionals at which we preview the new fall season and open ourselves to gladhanding by various program producers eager to gain carriage on our local stations. There really is no such as a free lunch.

I was thrilled when I heard that the meeting would be in Vegas this year. I haven’t been here since I was a kid, and it was a vastly different environment then. For minors, Vegas meant either going to Circus Circus (which had an arcade and aerial acts) or staying in the hotel room.

Sin City is barely recognizable these days, more of an adult Disneyland with roller coasters, a full-size pirate ship that is sunk four times a night, and, of course, the Starship Enterprise. While there’s still some vestige of the old Vegas on the strip–the places which offer steak and lobster buffets for $7.95 just to get you into the casino–most of the places I saw were very, very expensive. One of my fellow program directors and I visited New York, New York (a massive complex which incorporates replicas of several Big Apple landmarks) this morning, intending to dare the roller coaster, only to learn that it was $12.50 a ride!

I did, however, partake of the Star Trek Experience at the Hilton. I’d been wanting to go for years, so as soon as I checked in yesterday, I made a beeline for Geek Central. The Hilton’s on the other end of the Strip, so I took the monorail. (Thanks to The Simpsons, I am now incapable of riding a monorail without thinking “Monorail, monorail, monorail…”)

It was an enjoyable experience, and while I don’t know that I would do it again anytime soon, I’m glad that I went. The themed area includes shops styled after the Deep Space Nine Promenade, as well as a reproduction of Quark’s bar. For $35, one could have a day’s access to the “Museum of the Future,” a surpisingly compehensive display of Trek costumes and props, as well as two rides: “Klingon Encounter,” a combination live show and motion simulator, and “Borg Invasion 4-D,” a 3-D movie with some live elements.

I thought that the Klingon show was the better of the two. Guests start off in a traditional queue area, watching the usual “pregnant women should not ride” video. Suddenly, the video breaks up, the lights go out and everyone finds themselves on the Enterprise-D’s transporter pad. It was an excellent effect. There are costumed extras who set up the plot and lead the throng through a replica of the Bridge and a Turbolift (which shakes under enemy fire) before boarding the shuttle, a disguised motion simulator similar to Universal’s Back to the Future ride.

The other show started off in a similar fashion, with the guests visiting Copernicus Station, a research facility that finds itself under attack by a Borg Cube. Again, there’s some live action hijinks as the Starfleet extras are assimilated by Borg drones, and again, we wound up in a “shuttle,” which in this case was a 3-D movie theatre with some rigged special effects designed to make viewers a part of the action.

I hadn’t eaten much before arriving in Vegas, so after trying the Klingon ride, I sat down at Quark’s. I had the “Warbird,” a chicken breast dish that was pretty good. It was the rest of my order that caused the problem.

I had seen various patrons of Quark’s drinking out of large, globular glasses filled with smoking blue or green liquid, and I said, “I have to have one of those.” I wound up with something called the “James Tea Kirk,” which is apparently analogous to a Long Island Iced Tea. I have never previously had one, but dammit if I was going to Quark’s bar and not have a weird-looking, smoking drink.

Now, I know that I can’t hold my liquor, especially when I haven’t had much to eat, so I tried to pace myself. It didn’t help. Halfway into the Globe of Death, I was seriously buzzed, which I can tell you is a strange experience when one has the Enterprise-D overhead and Klingons, Ferengi and Borg visiting the tables. I managed to finish the thing (it was very good), but by that time, James Tea Kirk was having his way with me, and I was literally knocking things over on my way out of the restaurant. I’m amazed that I didn’t destroy half of the gift shop.

After spending a few hours indulging my Trekkiness–and shaking off the advances of Captain Kirk–I decided to walk back to the MGM Grand. It was a good idea, sort of: it was great to get a look at everything up close, but the scale of everything there is so huge that everything looks much closer than it actually is. It took me until 11:00 pm (1:00 am Central Time) to finally collapse in a pile in my hotel room. A little too much fun!

I’ve been taking lots of photos, but have no way of uploading them from here. Hopefully, I’ll have lots of Vegas/Trekkie geekness to show soon!

Dave General alcohol, Las Vegas, Star Trek

Right now, I’m watching The Apprentice on NBC, and have just witnessed a jaw-dropping example of product placement.

If you’re not familiar with the show, many of the tasks that Donald Trump’s would-be apprentices face are designed to feature one of the series’ sponsors, and the product in question is typically introduced to the consuming public in a commercial airing within the episode. This week has to do with creating a “tech-friendly” clothing line for American Eagle, but I’m more interested in last week’s challenge: creating and marketing a meatball pizza for Domino’s.

A funny thing happened during last week’s broadcast. Halfway into the show, rival chain Papa John’s ran its own ad, featuring its own meatball pizza. (While not a national spot, it aired in 64 television markets.) There was no doubt that it was designed to blunt the Domino’s promotion, as it took place in a Trump-like boardroom and asked whether anyone wanted to eat a pizza designed by an apprentice.

An even funnier thing happened this week. Trump had called both teams into his presence to announce the American Eagle challenge, but just before they left, he said something odd, and I quote:

“And speaking of last week’s task, here’s something you didn’t know. Both teams invented meatball pizza, but if you’d done your market research like Domino’s did, you would have discovered that customers don’t want meatball pizza. What they want is cheeseburger pizza. The Lesson: Always pay attention to your customer.”

I thought it was odd that The Apprentice spent all last week showing Domino’s customers buying and enjoying meatball pizza, yet this week went well out of its way to declare that no one would want such a meal. Why would the Donald go off on such an irrelevant tangent? On a hunch, I ran to our TiVo-Like-Device (TM) and rewound the video.

Sure enough, during the entire anti-meatball, non-sequitur rant, Donald Trump was never pictured on-screen. Instead, we saw reaction shots of the teams, and an insert of Carolyn standing next to a gesticulating arm which we are to presume was Trump’s. The whole speech had been dubbed into the scene after the fact.

And, you guessed it, the first ad in the next commercial pod was for a Domino’s cheeseburger pizza.

Dave TV Donald Trump, marketing b.s., meatballs, product placement, reality shows

Last Friday was a big night for me: a performance by Jon Stewart, followed by the Star Wars toy-buying frenzy dubbed “Midnight Madness.” One of these turned out to be a bit underwhelming.

Jon Stewart was very, very funny. At first, I was concerned that he was simply regurgitating Daily Show material, as some of his opening, more timely jokes were similar to remarks I’d already heard on TV. But then he got into the meat of his act, and the laughs were fresh, frequent and hearty. At one point–describing a cat in heat and suggesting that it would not be a good idea for women to try to pick up guys in a similar manner–Vicky got in such a laughing fit that I was concerned she’d pass out.

It helped my own appreciation that Stewart’s political views so closely mirror mine, though he’s more critical of cloning. The audience skewed young and progressive, and the one guy who hooted in favor of the Republicans was loudly booed. Honestly, I thought that was unnecessary. Stewart may be left of center, but he’s just as disdainful of extremists on either side of the aisle.

The show let out before 9:00 pm, which gave us plenty of time to drive home from Chicago before the beginning of Midnight Madness. I went to the Wal-Mart on Prospect, where I’d had a lot of fun three years ago prior to the release of Star Wars Episode II.

As I suggested earlier, it wasn’t so hot. It’s not that there weren’t plenty of toys; in fact, I got very nearly everything I’d hoped to find on my initial run. And it wasn’t that there weren’t rabid geeks haunting the aisle, waiting for midnight. It’s just that everyone seemed so blase about it. Last time, when midnight hit, we all started diving into box after box, gleefully pulling out our prizes and even helping to stock the leftovers. This time, we all shuffled aimlessly around until I impatiently noted that it was already past midnight, and proceeded to quietly fill my cart, unimpeded by fellow fans. The stockers even took the rest of the pallet back to storage, even though it was likely we would make a significant dent in their display.

Meijer–which had also advertised that toys would be available at midnight–was worse. There were only two people there by the time I arrived (some stragglers from Wal-Mart arrived later), and there was no new product in sight. The stock person had been delayed, I was told, and was pulling a cart from the back. Indeed, she came out a few minutes later, and began to slooooooowly put the action figures on the pegs, one…by…one.

I started to take one down to purchase, but she told me, “I have to count these first.” She continued to unenthusiastically, mechanically unpack the toys one at a time. Now, never mind that one could easily tally the items by taking the count on the side of the freshly-opened packing case and multiply it by the number of boxes. She would not be deterred, even when I said, “Look, I’m only going to buy this one.” Finally, when I’d decided that I’d had enough and walked away, she realized that she could keep my one purchase in mind when she finished stocking.

I zipped over to the Wal-Mart in Savoy in hopes of finding Grievous’ Bodyguards and the Star Wars Risk board game. It appeared that perhaps a little more hoopla had occurred there, as the sole remaining shopper was sporting a special Star Wars button. We had a nice, long talk while I pawed through the pegs, ultimately snagging two Bodyguards and no Risk game. (I did find the latter the following day at Target.)

All in all, it was pretty unexciting, though I did pick up about 15 different, nifty figures, plus the thing I’d wanted most, the Star Wars Mr. Potato Head known as “Darth Tater.” The advertised “48 Hours of the Force” never happened at our local Wal-Marts. No giveaways, no character appearances, no nothing. It wasn’t Midnight Madness…more of a mild fever.

Dave Toys action figures, disappointment, Jon Stewart, Star Wars