Last Thursday was my forty-second birthday, and one of my gifts from my darling wife was the boxed set of DVDs from the defunct TV western The Adventures of Brisco County, Jr.. Starring cult favorite Bruce Campbell as bounty huntin’ Brisco, the short-lived series showcased his range as a comedy-action hero much more than the Evil Dead films ever could. Watching these again, it’s hard to fathom how the charismatic Campbell never hit the big time.

Brisco was an odd duck in several ways. Premiering in the same year as The X-Files, it kicked off Fox’s Friday night lineup. While Fox tended toward the offbeat in its selections, Brisco‘s humorous horse opera still seemed out of place. In another bit of strangeness, Fox seemed confident enough in the series to order six extra episodes past the traditional 22 hours, yet it cancelled Brisco at the end of a single season.

Brisco appeared most informed by the movie serials of the ’30s and ’40s, and went as far as to give each act of any given episode its own chapter number and title. It recalled genre-busting entires like the Gene Autry sci-fi/western The Phantom Empire by mixing modern and futuristic technology into its late 19th Century setting. (It was also a bit like the ’60s spy/western The Wild, Wild West in that regard, but most of its technological devices were more plausible than the latter’s super-science.)

As was the case with so many other one-season wonders, Brisco‘s premise was quest-centered, but unlike most of those, it had the good grace to wrap up its continued storyline before shuffling off to TV heaven. Not only did Brisco manage to track down the 13 members of John Bly’s gang that killed his father, but the nature and purpose of the mysterious golden orbs which were the McGuffin of the series was revealed.

Brisco County, Jr. himself was an unusual character. Lawyer by education, bounty hunter by trade, he had a fascination with “The Coming Thing.” The turn of the century was right around the corner, and Brisco sensed that it would bring great technological change. And he wanted to be part of it. Brisco, the series, simultaneously looked back and forward, and found that both had something to offer.

More examples of “The Coming Thing” can be seen in the new series Eureka, airing Tuesday nights on the Sci-Fi Channel. It’s got a great premise: a federal marshal stumbles upon–and eventually becomes sheriff of–a secret town filled with scientific geniuses where the fix-it shop guy is a former NASA engineer and the children scrawl complicated mathematical equations in sidewalk chalk.

The thing that I like about Eureka is that it celebrates science. Sure, it’s not above showing its dangerous consequences, but at the end of the day, it says that smart people are good to have and that science can bring wondrous new ideas that make the world more interesting.

It’s interesting that Eureka (the fictional town) was established and continues to be funded by the U.S. Government. Make no mistake, it’s largely for reasons of defense research, but still, it’s a charming notion that our government might be interested in being beyond the cutting edge in all sorts of technologies. Unlike our current, real-life administration, which has done everything possible to undermine and discredit scientists in order to serve the twin-headed monster of religious fundamentalists and petroleum corporations. That’s why Eureka is a Sci-Fi Channel drama, not a documentary.

Dave Sci-Fi

More moments from the Star Wars prequels:

#6: They Will Call Him Master

Stop-motion animation–the special effects art of moving and photographing a jointed miniature frame by frame–has been largely forgotten as computer graphics have become ever more photorealistic. So it was nice when the folks at Industrial Light and Magic paid homage to the pioneering work of stop-motion master Ray Harryhausen during the Geonosian arena sequence in Attack of the Clones. Ravenous monsters are set loose upon our heroes, and when the rhino-like Reek emerges from a dark cave, the composition of the shot evokes similar entrances by the beasts of Harryhausen’s Sinbad films. Later, as the Acklay–a marvelous abomination that’s half-crab, half-velociraptor–attempts to pierce Obi-Wan with its pincers, the Jedi defends himself by throwing a spear into its abdomen. That’s a classic Harryhausen trope; he liked to find ways to tie his miniature models into the live-action elements, and one of his favorite tricks was to replace a real-life spear with a miniature in mid-throw.

#7: Cane And Able

One of the Jedi Master Yoda’s defining personality traits is his tendency to screw with other people’s heads. It’s part of his whole “by my size, judge me not” philosophy. That’s why I got a kick out of the aftermath of his lightsaber battle with Count Dooku. After proving to the assembled Jedi and Sith that he is an impossibly nimble, whirling vortex of death, he senses the approach of Padme and a squad of clone troopers. Just before they turn the corner…he picks up his tiny, bent cane and hobbles toward them.

#8: I’ve Got A Bad Feeling About This

Every Star Wars film concludes with a dialogue-free scene. Several of them involve celebrations, but the final montage of Attack of the Clones suggest the total darkness to come. As Supreme Chancellor Palpatine–who is still considered a good guy by everyone but the audience–proudly watches his freshly-minted army lift off to fight in the Clone Wars, we hear the (chronologically) first full-bodied rendition of the Imperial March. This powerful image segues to a private ceremony on Naboo in which the love of Anakin and Padme is sealed. Padme’s love theme accompanies the wedding, but this time it suggests not romance, but inevitable doom.

#9: Dad, He Followed Me Home. Can I Keep Him?

The Star Wars films feature many nifty creatures, but none has charmed me so instantaneously as Boga, the reptilian mount that Obi-Wan rides on the sinkhole planet of Utapau. I loved her loud, whooping cry. While her swaying gait was presumably intended to imitate that of Earth lizards, it struck me as nothing less than an enthusiastic puppy. Boga plunged to an apparent death after being fired on by traitorous clones, but if Obi-Wan survived the fall, why not Boga? In my head, Boga lived to whoop another day.

#10: A Night At The Opera

I could probably fill this entire list with nothing but moments involving Ian McDiarmid as Chancellor/Emperor Palpatine. I believe that he, along with the aforementioned sound designer Ben Burtt, is one of the MVPs of the entire Star Wars saga. He’s certainly one of the few who can convincingly deliver George Lucas’ stilted dialogue. My favorite conversation involving Palpatine is his opera box chat with Anakin, in which he relates “the tragedy of Darth Plagueis, the Wise.” Palpatine, who has not yet revealed his identity as Sith Lord Darth Sidious, explains how his predecessor was so powerful that he learned to use the Force itself to create life, but was cut down in his sleep by his apprentice. Sidious never claims to be that apprentice, but one look at his frankly orgasmic expression as he describes the death of Plagueis leaves no doubt.

#11: The Power Of The Dark Side

I can’t leave unmentioned Palpatine’s sudden transformation into full-fledged Sith Master. As the Jedi protectors attempt to arrest him in his Chancellor’s office, he says, “Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?” His hidden lightsaber pops into his hand from somewhere up his sleeve, and he literally flies across the room, spinning arrow-like with a crimson blade as his tip. It’s an obvious special effect, unless McDiarmid was fired from an air cannon, but it’s still way cool. Even better is the final showdown between Yoda and Sidious in the Senate chamber, as the two telekinetically toss the furniture at each other. In both a metaphorical and an actual sense, the age-old conflict between Jedi and Sith tears down the government.

#12: The Birth Of Darth Vader

Officially, Vader was “born” when Darth Sidious dubbed Anakin with his new Sith name, but he isn’t fully realized until the scene in the Emperor’s private tower in which medical droids repair and rebuild his shattered, burnt body. Anakin has destroyed the Jedi Order and inadvertantly killed his own wife, and he pays the price by being sealed into a walking coffin. In a shot which confirms that Lucas still retains some of the directorial talent he brought to his early films, we see Vader’s point of view as the metal death mask is lowered over his face. The electronic eyepieces glow a hellish red, and all other light is extinguished as the faceplate snaps into place, and we hear the first, wheezing breath of Vader’s new lungs.

Soon: Ten Things I Like About Luke!

Dave Star Wars

I haven’t written about Star Wars for a while. That might not be unusual for most people, but most people did not just receive a “George Lucas in Stormtrooper Disguise” action figure in yesterday’s mail.

While mowing the lawn this weekend, I started to put together the following list in my head. It occurred to me that while the prequel trilogy may not inspire the same love I have for the original films, there are certainly characters, creatures and moments that are just as awesome. Here, in movie order, are ten of them:

#1: There’s Always A Bigger Fish

The Star Wars universe is populated by vehicles and creatures of truly tremendous size. During a perilous journey through the watery deep of the planet Naboo, the submarine piloted by Qui-Gon Jinn is snagged by the sticky tongue of the Opee Sea Killer. Rescue comes at the claws of an even larger predator, the Sando Aqua Monster. An awe-inspiring long shot sells the scale of this 700-foot-long leviathan as it snaps the Opee in two.

#2: Start Your Engines

Sound effects provide not only the ambiance of the Star Wars films, but define the character of its mechanical and biological inhabitants. One of my favorites occurs during the Podrace that provides some much-needed action during the slow second act of The Phantom Menace. During the third and final lap of the Boonta Eve Challenge, young Anakin’s tiny pod is overtaken by the huge, orange monster machine piloted by his rival Sebulba. I love the terrible thrum of its engine as it threatens to engulf Anakin.

#3: Two Blades, No Waiting

Sure, every fanboy loves Darth Maul and his twin-bladed lightsaber. What I love about Maul’s battle against two Jedi is the acrobatic, ballet-like choreography of performer Ray Park. His manic, spinning attacks give the impression that limbs are about to go flying, and one can only wonder how Maul has managed to retain his own.

#4: Sinister Celebration

Composer John Williams played some wonderfully subtle tricks with his score for The Phantom Menace, hinting at the darkness to come in subsequent chapters. For example, Anakin’s sweet, melancholy theme incorporates a few notes from the familiar Imperial March. Even better is the happy celebration music honoring the heroes of Naboo and the newly-elected Supreme Chancellor Palpatine. A joyful children’s chorus sings an upbeat, peppy version of the Emperor’s Theme from Return of the Jedi, eerily foreshadowing Palpatine’s rise to power.

#5: The Sound Of Silence

Sometimes it’s not the sounds, but the spaces between them, that make the moment. In Attack of the Clones, Obi-Wan Kenobi tracks bounty hunter Jango Fett to an asteroid belt surrounding the factory world of Geonosis. The wily mercenary notices Kenobi’s pursuing fighter and drops a nasty surprise: a rock-shattering seismic charge. The sound effect is cool enough by itself, but even better is the half-second of absolute silence that precedes it, as if the bomb is sucking all surrounding energy into itself before detonation.

More to come!

Dave Star Wars

Last Friday, Vic and I finally watched Napoleon Dynamite. It’d been sitting on our TiVo-Like Device (TM) for months, previously recorded during a free week of HBO. And so, with no other plans for the evening, we decided that we might as well get it out of the queue.

“Why,” you might ask, “would you ever think that you might be the right audience for Napoleon Dynamite?” To be honest, I didn’t. One of the reasons it had remained on the TiVo-Like Device (TM) for so long was that I suspected it would be a tough slog.

Yet, I do feel some obligation to stay on top of the pop zeitgeist, if only to know what the hell the youngsters are talking about. When I performed in a stage production of The Phantom Toolbooth a couple of years ago, the kids snuck a DVD player into the dressing room to watch Napoleon, and they simply roared. Surely it must have something going for it, right?

In case you’ve been lucky enough to avoid it, Napoleon Dynamite is the story (though “story” may be too strong a word) of a high school student whose perpetually slack jaw and half-lidded eyes suggest he is stoned or asleep. Possibly retarded. I’m still not sure.

Despite his zombie demeanor, Napoleon is a seething cauldron of rage, wildly overreacting to slights both deliberate and perceived. It’s not hard to understand why, as we see his desperate loneliness and ongoing persecution by his classmates. A more interesting film might have tried to explore him as a Columbine-in-progress. This is not that film.

I’m pretty sure that we’re meant to root for Napoleon, but after a while, I began to see the bullies’ point. He really is that out of touch from such societal norms as fashion, personality or sapient conversation. Maybe he doesn’t deserve to be abused. But shunned? Absolutely.

Sure, I identified with Napoleon to some extent. I was certainly as fashion-challenged during my own high-school years, but that was partly out of rebellion and partly due of lack of interest. Still, there are fifty other–better–films that evoke that school outsider experience.

And how much of a true outsider is Napoleon when most of the cast appear equally retarded? I began to wonder if there wasn’t something in the water. I found myself welcoming the couple of characters who seemed to recognize that something wasn’t quite right.

About ten minutes into the film, Vic began to laugh with a crazed intensity. “Surely,” I thought, “she can’t be finding this that funny?” After all, we share a similar sense of humor, and I’d barely snickered. It turned out that she wasn’t laughing at the movie, but rather at the absurdity of our subjecting ourselves to it…and the fact that there was still an hour and a half to go.

Now, it would have been reasonable to turn off the TV and do something more rewarding. For instance, gargling glass. I suggested that we could stop, yet neither of us reached for the remote. We were mesmerized by the horror that confronted us. And as he ambled along, I became determined that Napoleon Dynamite would not beat me down.

After an hour passed, I realized that I still had no idea where or when the story was taking place. We eventually figured out that it was Idaho (leading credence to the “something in the water” theory), but I’m still uncertain in which decade it was set. Mentions of chat rooms and online shopping suggest something near to the present day, yet all of the cultural references hailed from the early ’80s.

None of the above would be a problem if the movie was funny. However, it emulates the approximation of humor favored by many of the cartoons on Adult Swim: someone says something odd (complete non-sequitars are best), then there’s a long, awkward pause in which the characters stare vacantly at each other. One of them may blink their eyes, just so you know that the film isn’t stuck in the projector. Then the other person says something odd. Lather, rinse, repeat.

As the film grinds to its conclusion, there’s a subplot about Napoleon’s friend Pedro and his run for class president. The duo are as clueless about mounting a campaign as they are about anything else, and Pedro gives up when it’s time to give a speech to the assembled class. But then (and this is a SPOILER, if you possibly give a shit) Napoleon does a dance. And somehow, everyone loves Napoleon’s dance so much that they vote for Pedro. (Who, by the way, was not the one who danced.)

And that’s the message, I guess. Learn how to dance, and everyone will overlook decades of ingrained class structure and vote for the unpopular kid. I thought for a moment that perhaps there might be a little more to it–for example, the kids recognizing their own inner Napoleons and flaunting the status quo just this once–but no, it was just ’cause Napoleon did a weird dance.

The credits rolled and we thought we were home free. But we hadn’t reckoned with the “credit cookie,” which turned out to be another five minutes involving a wedding and Napoleon riding a horse for reasons which seem as arbitary as anything else in the flick.

Now, I realize that all of the above may seem as if I’m over-analyzing something that’s just supposed to be a dumb, little comedy, and that perhaps I’ve got a colossal stick up my ass. I swear to God that I have a sense of humor. I laughed myself silly during Anchorman, Dodgeball and The 40 Year Old Virgin. It’s just that those movies had…well, jokes, for one. And appealing characters. And jokes.

Clearly, I do not understand youngsters.

Dave Movies

I spent a good portion of last weekend tearing down some of my old Lego models and reorganizing my collection of bits. While I was at it, I came up with these in honor of the conclusion of Doctor Who‘s second season:

The Tenth Doctor, Rose and K-9.

“Alert! It is the Doctor! He must be exterminated!”

Interior view of the Dalek.

Dave Toys

This weekend, Vic and I (along with pretty much everyone else in America, it seems) saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest. And having done so, I can’t say that I understand the critical backlash that has greeted this installment. Yes, it doesn’t know when to gracefully take its bow, but that was a problem with the first film as well.

I suspect that the overwhelmingly positive reaction to the original was due in part to very low expectations for a theme park ride-based flick, combined with surprise over Johnny Depp’s out-of-nowhere performance as Jack Sparrow. Without those unknown elements, critics began to focus more on the meat of the movie this time around.

Even so, the only real problem I found with Dead Man’s Chest was that, as the second chapter of a trilogy, it lacked resolution. There was a point during its final ten minutes when I realized that the only possible reason for the movie to come to an end would be for the producers to run out of film stock. That’s not really an indictment so much as it is a common symptom of “middle act syndrome.” For my money, a middle act only fails if it leaves me uninterested in seeing the next chapter. That’s definitely not the case. If anything, the jaw-dropping revelation of its final shot left me wanting to see Pirates 3 NOW.

Having seen Superman Returns a second time this weekend leaves me in a good position to compare the two would-be summer blockbusters. Superman is clearly the more thoughtful of the two, but damned if Pirates isn’t a helluva lot more fun. The action is cartoony at times–in one sequence, Jack all but channels Wile E. Coyote–but it fits well within the tongue-in-cheek approach of the franchise. These really aren’t pirate movies as much as they are fantasy comedy-adventures in which pirates happen to play some of the central parts.

Yet Dead Man’s Chest does have a little something going on down in the ship’s hold. The script deliberately points out the moral ambiguity of its characters, especially in the way that it approaches Elizabeth Swann. As with another famous middle chapter, The Empire Strikes Back, a triangle develops between the hero, the virgin and the rogue, but here Elizabeth demonstrates that her attraction to Jack Sparrow may have as much to do with her inner character as with his charm. She takes several questionable actions throughout the course of the storyline, and so the question for Act Three may not be which of the two male leads manages to win her, but which of them she truly belongs with.

Dead Man’s Chest attempts to outdo the original in terms of its fantasy beasties, and I felt it did a wonderful job. Davy Jones is a marvelous creation with an octopus for a head and a crustacean “peg leg.” His minions are equally imaginative, designed to appear as if they have not only mutated into forms of sea life, but have become part of the ocean floor itself. Thus, one pirate has a moray eel floating within its rib cage, and another sports a living coral reef. Then there’s the Kraken, a monstrous, aquatic Sarlacc that’s all teeth and tentacles. While it generally goes without saying these days that the special effects are terrific, I found them especially convincing.

The movie has a welcome dark side. Aside from the threat of our heroes becoming a part of Davy Jones’ terrible crew, there are clever, black-humored moments of horror. When a parrot begins squawking “Don’t eat me!” it’s a funny bit, but soon one realizes the implication of those words spoken by a bird which, by definition, parrots what it’s heard…

In the end, Dead Man’s Chest isn’t the most coherently plotted film, nor does it know quite when to quit, but it’s really hard to dislike a film that offers so many moments of pure popcorn pleasure.

Dave Movies

Yesterday I cracked open the second volume in DC Comics’ Showcase Presents reprint series collecting the Silver Age adventures of Superman. This book covers the end of 1959 through May 1961.

As I have previously revealed, I am a dyed-in-the-wool Silver Age DC fan who was less than enthralled with the previous volume of old Superman stories. I’m a hundred pages into the new book, and I’m pleased to report that there’s much less reliance on Superman acting wildly out of character as part of an elaborate ruse.

Which is not to say that the stories aren’t bugfuck nuts.

Here, out of context (but honestly, the context wouldn’t make them any less ridiculous) are some of my favorite, laugh-out-loud bits of dialogue from those first 100 pages:

• “Gentlemen, if there’s one man I can trust to enter the palace and not assassinate me, that man is Cosmic Man!”
• “Faces! Faces rushing at me…with the speed of rockets! Faces! Faces!! Faces!!!”
• “I captured Superboy through his sheer dumbness!”
• “That’s the best telepathic news I’ve heard yet!”
• “You typed the story backwards! Who do you think you are, Mr. Mxyzptlk, the silly sprite from the 5th Dimension who goes back to his own world only if he says his name backwards?”
• “That Lois burns me up! She’s not even looking at me…or my fake arm!”

And here’s one bit of dialogue that exemplifies what I love about old superhero comics: “The mermaid I love is mortally wounded…I’ve got to rush her back to Atlantis for medical treatment–and my path is now blocked by an atomic sea-monster on the rampage!”

Dave Comics

This weekend saw the penultimate episode of the second season of the revamped Doctor Who, and it was a real corker. By its cliffhanging end, the stage had been set not only for a conflict on a scale undreamt of by anyone connected with the original series, but for a fanwank of the highest order.

Viewers were finally introduced to the mysterious organization known as Torchwood, frequently cited as a shadowy investigatory agency in episodes going back as far as last season’s “Bad Wolf.” Torchwood was founded by Queen Victoria I after her chance meeting with the Doctor (in the episode “Tooth and Claw”) made her aware that England was vulnerable to alien threats, not the least of which was the Doc himself. The group has apparently existed in the background of the Doctor Who universe for more than a century, collecting and repairing all sorts of otherworldly technology with the express purpose of defending the British Empire.

Recently, they’d begun experimenting with a strange golden sphere which somehow exists outside of space and time, using its power to draw millions of strange “ghosts” from a parallel universe. And, of course, since this is Doctor Who we’re talking about, they can’t be merely ghosts…

Inviso-spoilers in the following paragraph; highlight the text to see it.

Begin SPOILER: The ghosts are in reality a colossal army of Cybermen eager to break through the dimensional barrier and convert the people of Earth into metallic organisms such as themselves. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the sphere itself isn’t the product of Cyber technology, but is revealed to be the hiding place of a squad of Daleks ready to unleash their own brand of murderous hate upon the universe. Next week: Daleks vs. Cybermen! The ultimate fanwankery! Will Rose Tyler survive? Will thousands of fanboys explode from overkill? End SPOILER.

I can hardly wait for part two!

Dave Doctor Who

The end of June has brought with it the end of the second quarter in our grand experiment. As you may recall, at the beginning of January we began to keep track of just how much loose change we picked up in our travels over the course of one year. Since then, we’ve kept a wary eye out for wayward pennies, and we’ve done better than I expected. Our first quarter netted us $3.79 in spare coinage.

While we found virtually nothing during the final week of June, I had a good feeling about our overall take this time ’round, and I was right. Our total: $4.35. It broke down like this:

• 105 pennies
• 4 nickels
• 26 dimes
• 2 quarters

My theory is that we find a lot more dimes than nickles due to their small size; they’re much less likely to be spotted by those who aren’t committed to the hunt. And of course, quarters are rare because they’re both highly visible and worth enough to attract the attention of those who wouldn’t bother to stoop for a mere penny.

So, at the end of the first half of the year, we stand at $8.14. I’m thinking that by December 31, we might have enough for dinner. At least, as long as we go somewhere cheap.

Dave General

I want to be able to tell you that Superman Returns is the best of all superhero films, truly I do. It’s just not.

Mind you, it’s no disaster. It isn’t Superman III, Batman and Robin or Catwoman. It’s much better than it might have been, given the numerous aborted attempts at reviving the Superfilm franchise over the past decade. We were spared the tender mercies of Kevin Smith, Tim Burton, Nicolas Cage and McG. (I know that there are some people who believe that having Smith or Burton involved would be a good thing. I am not one of those people.)

So, yes, Superman Returns could have been worse. And much of it is quite good. But why isn’t it better?

Certainly, director Bryan Singer has demonstrated skill with bringing superheroes to film. X-Men was a solid entry, and X2 is near the pinnacle of the subgenre. And goodness knows that he loves and respects the Man of Steel.

To some extent, his love for the first two Superman films is part of the problem. While I was thrilled to learn that Superman Returns was to be a quasi-sequel to those previous chapters, I discovered that it’s very nearly a remake of the first one. In terms of plot, it hits most of the same beats. It retains much of the look, including the zooming credits. Hell, it even repeats some of the dialogue.

That’s not entirely inappropriate, given that today’s audience may not be all that familiar with Richard Donner’s original. Still, as a follow-up it does demand some familiarity with what has come before. So, when the big climax is Superman saving the coast from an earthquake caused by one of Lex Luthor’s outlandish real estate schemes, there’s too much deja vu.

It must be said that Singer isn’t afraid to mess with the status quo, and that he introduces a new element to the Superman mythology unknown outside of non-canonical “imaginary stories.” Unlike pretty much every review of Superman Returns I read before seeing the film, I am not going to give it away without warning, so swipe the following section of inviso-text at your peril:

Begin SPOILER: Lois is saddled with a young son, and while it’s initially assumed that Jason is the handiwork of her fiance Richard, it becomes clear by story’s end that the boy has some Super-sperm to thank for his DNA. While the specifics are never mentioned, I presume that Jason was conceived during the events of Superman II. That’s interesting because at the end of that previous film, Superman hypnotized Lois so that she forgot about learning his dual identity as Clark Kent and subsequently shacking up with him at the Fortress of Solitude. So, shouldn’t Lois be a little surprised to learn that she apparently had sex with Superman? Granted, Superman Returns explicitly regards the earlier films as only a vague historical background, so it may be that here Superman and Lois got it on under different circumstances. End SPOILER.

Singer, to his credit, focuses on character work and subtext. The theme of the film directly addresses the continued relevance of Superman, and ultimately decides that yes, there’s still a place for men in blue tights. Singer takes Superman seriously, a bit too seriously. He sometimes forgets that Superman should also be fun.

Superman Returns is a darker film that I expected. It’s not Batman-dark, but neither is it as essentially optimistic as the material warrants. There are a couple of scenes of grim violence that go on perhaps a bit too long: Lois Lane being stalked by a would-be killer, and a depowered Superman being beaten by Luthor’s henchmen.

There was one moment which briefly took me completely out of the movie. We are reintroduced to Luthor in a creepy-cool scene in which he bilks a grateful widow (played by ’50s TV Lois Lane Noel Neill) out of her vast fortune. Later, he returns to the empty mansion with his gang. His moll (played by Parker Posey) notices one of the widow’s abandoned Pomeranians, and says, “Didn’t there used to be two of them?” The joke, of course, is that Lex is so callow that he left them without food. In the abstract, it’s darkly funny. At least, it would be, if you didn’t see the remaining dog sitting in a pile of fur and gnawing on something… That’s too dark by half for a Superman film.

This is not to say that there isn’t plenty of good humor in the film. Sam Huntington provides fine comic relief as Jimmy Olsen. Give that boy a Superman signal watch, stat! I’d be thrilled if the next film focused on Superman and his pal Jimmy.

There are also many moments of beauty and wonder, from the opening montage of fantastic worlds hanging in space to the joyous scene of Superman making his first public appearance gently lowering the remains of a crashing airplane into the middle of a crowded baseball stadium. Make no mistake, it’s often a gorgeous looking and uplifting film.

Still, some of the landscape is pretty bleak, especially the Kryptonian crystalscape Luthor raises in the Atlantic ocean. I realize that it’s supposed to be the dark mirror of Superman’s Fortress of Solitude, but again, it’s downright grim.

Now, before I come off as overwhelmingly negative, let me say some good things about Superman Returns. First, Brandon Routh absolutely channels Christopher Reeve, and that’s no bad thing. There were times when I couldn’t quite tell where Reeve left off and Routh began. Contrary to what some reviewers have said, I found him charming in both of his roles.

Kevin Spacey now owns Lex Luthor, for my money. Playing a darker variant of Gene Hackman’s original, he effectively combines wit and menace. My only disappointment with this Luthor is that we never quite see him as a scientific genius; for cryin’ out loud, why won’t the Superman films let the man build at least one giant, bank-robbing robot?

The weak link among the main characters is Kate Bosworth’s Lois Lane. I’m not familiar enough with Ms. Bosworth to know if this is her fault. I think that it may be the script. If Lois has one defining characteristic amongst her many incarnations, it’s her spunky tenaciousness. Bosworth is beautiful, but her Lois isn’t ballsy enough. Previous movie Lois Margot Kidder and Smallville‘s Erica Durance would steal her lunch money.

Ultimately, I think that what Superman Returns needed was more of Superman being super. There’s a breathtaking midair rescue sequence early in the film which was especially eyepopping in Imax 3-D, but the big stunts are relatively few and far between. The effects were fantastic, but I didn’t see $260 million on the screen.

The producers of the Imax version sprinkled 3-D sequences throughout–typically the action set pieces–and I thought it was telling that there was a long period during which we were never instructed to wear our special glasses. The sequence in and around Luthor’s new continent takes forever, and the wrap-up crawls to an end when it should soar. I think the movie could’ve easily lost 20 to 30 minutes.

Again, I don’t mean to be overwhelmingly negative. It was a good movie. It didn’t turn Superman into a joke or a self-parody, as even the revered Richard Donner film threatened to do at times. It’s a good start, assuming that the will is there to make another one. Next time I’d like to see them lighten up, have fun and let Superman punch a giant robot.

And give Jimmy a raise.

Dave Movies