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Archive for September, 2006
Weird

Cliff Notes

September 25th, 2006

Recently I’ve been enjoying The Comics Curmudgeon, a blog which eviscerates newspaper comic strips and regularly proves to be much more amusing than the funnies themselves.

Lately, he’s devoted a lot of attention to a Mary Worth storyline in which the old busybody finds herself warding off the unwanted attentions of one Aldo Kelrast. Aside from an unfortunate resemblance to Captain Kangaroo, Aldo also has a problem faced by many comic book villains: his last name is an oh-so-subtly scrambled description of his overriding personality trait. (You figure it out.)

Unfortunately for Mr. Kelrast, the Curmudgeon, and anyone hoping to see Mary Worth erupt into an alcohol-fueled bloodbath, the storyline abruptly wrapped up last week. After an “intervention” on the part of Mary’s friends (she has friends?), Aldo gets drunk and has a fatal car crash.

The reason I bring this up is because I absolutely love the strip depicting Aldo’s date with density:

Honestly, is it any wonder that Aldo went off that cliff? I mean, do you have to be roaring drunk to not suspect that the otherwise perfectly normal stretch of roadway you’re on abruptly ends in an unmarked, unbarricaded, crumbling precipice? It wouldn’t surprise me if there was a huge pile of wrecked cars, smashed wheelchairs and twisted bodies of skateboard punks at the bottom of that gorge. (And a huddle of personal injury attorneys standing just to the left.) What kind of cheap-ass road work goes on in Mary’s hometown?

Weird

Videogames

Han Solo Is A Total Stud

September 18th, 2006

I spent entirely too much time this weekend playing Lego Star Wars II: The Original Trilogy on my Playstation 2. But honestly, can giving oneself to something that cute and fun be wrong?

The first Lego Star Wars videogame–which recast the saga with smiley-faced “minifigs” doing silly things in Lego brick environments–was a big hit despite being based on the less-popular prequel films. Even Jar Jar Binks was fun to play.

It was no surprise that there was much excitement when a sequel featuring the “classic trilogy” was announced. The fun of Lego Star Wars combined with elements from the Films That Star Wars Fans Actually Like? Gotta be great, right?

Well, yeah.

Running my little Lego Han Solo down Death Star corridors popping stormtroopers reminds me just how much I love the characters and storyline of those early flicks. The game is challenging without being (too) frustrating, which means that I can just have a good time, enjoying the goofy antics of smiley Han and searching for more Lego “studs” (money in the Lego Star Wars universe).

The quirky sense of humor that pervaded the original game is back, and there are lots of wonderful jokes and surprises. An early favorite was the moment I opened a blast door to find a hot tub full of relaxing stormtroopers.

The much-vaunted ability to create customized characters to play in-game isn’t quite as robust as I’d hoped, as only a fraction of the heads, helmets and torsos from the pregenerated figures are available. Oddly, the only short hairstyle is colored pink. Still, there’s a lot of opportunity for creativity within even that limited palette. I made an evil, lightsaber-wielding version of one of the bug-eyed alien cantina musicians which I dubbed “Bith the Sith.” Can’t wait to pit him against cute li’l Darth Vader.

Videogames

Sci-Fi

Now, That’s A Special Edition

September 18th, 2006

By chance I was able to catch the premiere of the first of the remastered episodes of the original Star Trek this weekend. It was “Balance of Terror,” an excellent choice to showcase the CGI tweaks being made to some of the ropey ’60s era special effects. This story, which introduces the Romulans, is a quasi-remake of the submarine hunt motion picture The Enemy Below substituting a cloaked warship as the object of Captain Kirk’s search. (It’s also notable for featuring Mark Lenard as the Romulan Commander, as he would go on to play Mr. Spock’s father–in nearly identical makeup–in later stories.)

Unlike the so-called “Special Editions” of the Star Wars films (which I won’t go on about again except to reiterate that I will not be buying the latest iteration of the classic trilogy DVDs), the new effects shots really are just tweaks. In some cases, I was hard-pressed to spot the difference between old and new; the composition of the shots were near identical. The surface of the Romulan warbird was more detailed, and there was an improved phaser cannon effect. When the Enterprise was crippled late in the episode, I noted that the CGI model subtly drifted dead in space; in the original, a static shot of the model spaceship was used.

What makes it all the more remarkable in the Greedo-shoots-first era is what they didn’t do. They didn’t extend the effects sequences or add flourishes such as the infamous Death Star “ring” explosion. They didn’t superimpose little floating robots all over the Enterprise corridors. They didn’t change the story to suit a modern sensibility.

So, if it’s that subtle, why do it at all? Well, it does eliminate “garbage mattes,” those faint yet distracting box-like shapes that were an artifact of pre-CGI effects. The movement of the Enterprise across the screen is smoother: in some of the stock exterior scenes, it would appear to change speed. And, as previously noted, it will allow the depiction of spaceships (most notably the Klingon battlecruiser, which didn’t appear on-screen until the series’ final season) that were left to the imagination for budgetary reasons.

Good job, Paramount. George Lucas, take note.

Sci-Fi

General

DVD Review Update

September 14th, 2006

As part of my latest update of my DVD Library, I’ve added a dozen “new” movie reviews: new to that page, but actually repurposed from my blog articles. Just in case anyone cares.

General

Weird

What’s Distracting Patricia?

September 13th, 2006

Dave Lartigue asks “What’s distracting Patricia?

I thought that the answer was obvious:

Weird

Sci-Fi

The Monsters Are Here

September 11th, 2006

My favorite episode of the original Twilight Zone is a Cold War parable by Rod Serling entitled “The Monsters Are Due on Maple Street.” It first aired in March, 1960. McCarthyism and McCarthy himself were several years dead, but the fear of Communist infiltration was still very much alive. Serling took on that “Reds in our beds” paranoia and couched it in the terms of the other bugaboo of ’50s/’60s culture, an invasion from outer space.

A few years ago, the most recent iteration of Twilight Zone remade “Maple Street” for the age of terrorism. It was a respectable attempt, but if it had a flaw, it was that it did away with the metaphor and explicitly dealt with the fear of post-9/11 terrorists. I prefer the metaphor.

In Serling’s script, Maple Street is “a tree-lined, quiet residential street, very typical of the small town. The houses have front porches on which people sit and swing on gliders, conversing across from house to house.” Granted, we’re already in a bit of a fantasyland from a 21st Century perspective.

One summer evening, a bright object roars overhead. All power on Maple Street cuts out. Telephones, cars and radios no longer operate. People gather in the street. No one is sure what they saw. A meteor? Something else? A young boy named Tommy says in every story he’s read about a ship landing from outer space, “they” shut everything off. In those stories, no one can leave except for those the aliens sent ahead of them, looking just like humans and living among them. The adults dismiss this as a silly idea.

Pete cuts across the backyards to see if the problem persists on the next street, leaving the others to gather in the growing darkness. Les tries to restart his car, but just as he gives up and walks away, the engine roars into life on its own. “And he never did come out to look at that thing that flew overhead,” says Don. “He wasn’t even interested. Why? Why didn’t he come out with the rest of us to look?”

Charlie pipes up, “He always was an oddball. Him and his whole family. Real oddball.”

“What do you say we ask him?”

Levelheaded Steve stops them. “Wait a minute! Let’s not be a mob!”

Les backs away. “You keep your distance–all of you. So I’ve got a car that starts by itself–well, that’s a freak thing, I admit it. But does that make me some kind of criminal or something? I don’t know why the car works–it just does!”

That argument almost seems to hold, until Les’ porch light flicks on: the only light on the street.

Another woman reluctantly mentions that she’s seen Les standing on his porch in the middle of the night, “looking up in the sky as if…as if he were waiting for something.”

Les defends himself. “I’m guilty of insomnia. Now what’s the penalty for insomnia? You’re sick people–all of you! And you don’t even know what you’re starting because let me tell you…this thing you’re starting–that should frighten you. You’re letting something begin here that’s a nightmare!”

The neighbors keep a watch on Les’ house, though Steve remains unconvinced. “Let’s pick out every idiosyncracy of every single man, woman and child on the street. And then we might as well set up some kind of a kangaroo court. How about a firing squad at dawn, Charlie, so we can get rid of all the suspects? Narrow them down. Make it easier for you.”

Don counters that he’s heard that Steve spends hours down in his basement “workin’ on some kind of radio or something. Well, none of us have ever seen that radio…”

Steve shouts, “You’re standing here all set to crucify–all set to find a scapegoat–all desperate to point some kind of a finger at a neighbor! Well now look, friends, the only thing that’s gonna happen is that we’ll eat each other up alive…”

At that point, a shadowy figure appears at the end of the street. The alarm is raised, Charlie fires a shotgun…and Pete falls dead, unable to report what he saw on the next street over.

Then Charlie’s lights come on. Suspicions immediately repoint themselves. Was he protecting a secret? But Charlie says knows who the monster really is…Tommy, the kid who knew about the aliens.

Accusations begin flying every which direction. And as Charlie’s lights snap off, another house flares into life. And another. Maple Street descends into a madness of improvised weapons and violent reprisals.

The camera pulls back…back…until we’re high on a hill overlooking the chaos that was once a quiet, tree-lined suburban street. Two beings watch from the ramp of a silver spacecraft.

“Understand the procedure now? Just stop a few of their machines and radios and telephones and lawn mowers…throw them into darkness for a few hours and then you just sit back and watch the pattern. They pick the most dangerous enemy they can find…and it’s themselves. And all we need do is sit back…and watch.”

The episode concludes with the narration of Rod Serling: “The tools of conquest do not necessarily come with bombs and explosions and fallout. There are weapons that are simply thoughts, attitudes, prejudices–to be found only in the minds of men. For the record, prejuidices can kill and suspicion can destroy and a thoughtless, frightened search for a scapegoat has a fallout all its own for the children…and the children yet unborn. And the pity of it is…that these things cannot be confined to the Twilight Zone.”

Sci-Fi

TV

The Tribe Has Spoken

September 8th, 2006

Here’s an excellent summation of the tempest in a teapot that’s swelled up over the latest edition of Survivor, which initially splits its teams based upon ethnic background. Tim Goodman of the San Francisco Chronicle hits the nail on the head (the teapot on the spout?): it’s just another iteration of a show which has already divided teams by age and sex. Furthermore, the game’s format demands that the “tribes” merge into a single unit about halfway into the season. It’s a non-controversy being stirred up by people who live to be outraged, and it plays right into the hands of CBS’ promotions department.

TV

Weird

I Am Curious Yellow…er, George?

September 6th, 2006

Curious George is curious about cars. Soon, he will be curious about charges of reckless driving and comprehensive auto insurance.

Weird

Movies

Oooo! Oooo! Oooo!

September 5th, 2006

That’s the sound I made when I read this listing for an completely unanticipated, multi-disc DVD release of several Universal Studios ’50s sci-fi films, including one of the greats: The Incredible Shrinking Man! For years I’ve been bitching about the lack of a DVD of this one, arguably the last classic SF flick yet to be released.

Why it’s not coming out in a dedicated release is beyond me, but that’s okay, because one of the other movies in the set is another favorite of mine: The Monolith Monsters, an unusual tale of space crystals which grow into towering rock columns, only to shatter and restart the process. The ensuing hortizontal avalanche is brought off with fairly convincing special effects.

The remaining flicks are decidedly minor: Tarantula is a typical giant-monster-in-desert-town scenario; The Mole People is a dull underground empire with a few lackluster mole creatures; and Monster on the Campus (which I don’t believe I’ve ever seen) is about a prehistoric fish which turns people into ape-men. Go figure.

But who cares? Twenty bucks for two classics (and three not-so-much), and only two weeks away? Woo hoo!

While I’m on the subject, here’s a recommendation for another nifty ’50s sci-fi sampler, a single-disc collection of The Beast from 20,000 Fathoms and Them! for only ten bucks. Two of the best early monster flicks at an unbeatable price!

Movies

Movies

Ay-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi!

September 3rd, 2006

This Labor Day weekend I reacquainted myself with an old friend fiend. Last Tuesday saw the DVD rerelease of Trilogy of Terror, a 1975 made-for-TV movie starring Karen Black and–more memorably–the nightmarish Zuni Fetish Doll.

A lot of folks around my age remember being terrified as a child by this film, but not me. That’s because I was too scared to even watch it. All it took was a look at the photo of the Zuni doll in ABC’s ad for TV Guide, and there was no way I was getting anywhere near the tube that night. While I was fascinated by monster movies as a youth, I “saw” more than my share of them cowering in the dining room, listening to the sound of the family room set and poking my head out during the less frightening bits.

Trilogy was directed and produced by Dan Curtis, creator of the gothic soap Dark Shadows and responsible for the two TV-movies which introduced the monster-fighting journalist Kolchak the “Night Stalker.” It starred Karen Black, primarily known for movie roles, as four characters spread over three tales based on short stories by Richard Matheson. Matheson wrote some of the better known episodes of the original Twilight Zone as well as a great many horror novels and screenplays, and he adapted his own “Prey” as the final segment of the anthology film. (The other two adaptations were scripted by William F. Nolan, author of Logan’s Run.)

Everyone remembers the murderous fetish doll, but not necessarily the other two stories. That’s not surprising, as neither of these tales appear to have received the memo about involving “terror.” In the first, Black plays a dowdy teacher who is blackmailed into becoming a sex slave to one of her students. The second has her playing two sisters: one a priggish spinster who plots to rid herself of the other, a vicious slut. It’s the least effective of the three, as the dual casting makes the twist ending thuddingly obvious.

The one thing I did find surprising about that first segment was the amount of (implied) sexual content. Julie the schoolteacher is drugged, stripped, photographed and presumably raped. Subsequently, she finds herself forced to cater to her blackmailer’s whims, including one occasion when he slips her a note in class ordering her to come back to his apartment to “meet a few of his friends.” That’s strong stuff for mid-’70s TV.

Similarly, there’s quite a lot more blood on display than one might expect in the final segment, as Black’s lone apartment dweller is mercilessly stabbed and bitten by the aforementioned killer doll. It’s an amazingly simple, yet effective storyline: a woman buys a native warrior fetish as a gift for her anthropologist boyfriend and is then forced to fight for her life when the golden chain which keeps its evil spirit in check falls away unnoticed.

Tiny monsters, with their ability to scamper behind and beneath the furniture, have always frightened me as much if not moreso than full-size creatures. And unlike others in the horror subspecies made up of dolls, puppets and ventriloquist dummies, the Zuni (aka “He-Who-Kills”) isn’t subtle or shy: he screams “Ay-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi-Yi!” as he rushes pell-mell at Black, waving a kitchen knife. If Twilight Zone‘s Talky Tina and He-Who-Kills ever had a throwdown, he’d whack off her head before she finished saying “I’m Talky Tina…”

The special effects are crude, but rapid editing keeps them from being too silly. The Zuni is seen mostly in quick cuts and flashes, and much of his movement around the apartment is depicted as floor-level point-of-view camerawork.

While there were other notable made-for-TV horror flicks back in the ’70s–among them Killdozer, Gargoyles and Don’t Be Afraid of the DarkTrilogy of Terror is the one which is remembered the most. That’s pretty good work for a toothy wooden puppet.

Movies