As I got ready for work this morning, the Sci-Fi Channel was airing the original Night of the Living Dead, seemingly with all its (circa 1968) gore intact. As I watched a zombie child munching on the remains of her recently deceased father, I took a moment to reflect on how times have changed. What was once the (literally) gut-wrenching, groundbreaking, taboo-shattering nightmare fuel of a thousand drive-in theaters was now early morning filler fare on basic cable.

Last weekend, Saw III was the number one film at the box office, something which caused 60 Minutes to express surprise, as if the popularity of horror films is in any way a recent or unusual phenomenon. It’s been remarked that Saw III, Hostel and their ilk reflect an acceptance of torture as both popular entertainment and public policy. I think that’s crap. Much like roller-coasters, horror stories are always about two things: giving people the wiggins, and allowing them to “survive” the experience. There are almost certainly some who get their rocks off on seeing people tortured, but they are the minority. Most of those going to see Saw are doing so to experience the thrill of terror without suffering its consequences.

As a kid, I was scared of a lot of things. Here’s a partial list:

• 1] Spiders. And I still am.
• 2] Skulls, especially if they were attached to an otherwise intact body.
• 3] Rod Serling’s Night Gallery.
• 4] The Blob, and by extension, any monster that could crawl through the crack under a door.
• 5] Disney Records’ Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House, particularly the track where the astronauts were eaten by Martians.
• 6] Werewolves, mostly because they were much faster than your garden variety mummies and Frankensteins.
• 7] Buildings with high interior ceilings, such as the main hall of Chicago’s Field Museum. I still don’t understand that one; it was a sort of reverse vertigo.
• 8] Late night commercials for cheap horror films. To this day, I vividly remember the ads for It’s Alive and Suspiria. The latter featured the back side of a woman’s head, which turned to reveal a skull. (See #2.)

Much of my childhood insomnia is directly attributable to my fear of The Blob. This was despite the fact that I also read books about special effects and magazines like Famous Monsters of Filmland, and knew full well the difference between fiction and reality. In this regard, I am testament to the argument that you shouldn’t expose your kids to scary movies.

But here’s the thing. I still sought the stuff out. I “watched” Kolchak: The Night Stalker and Beware! The Blob from the relative safety of the dining room. I ravenously devoured Saturday afternoon monster movies and Ray Bradbury’s creepy short stories.

And I survived. Here I sit in my office, blasting my special Halloween iTunes playlist (which, not at all coincidentally, includes the sound effects tracks from the aforementioned Chilling, Thrilling Sounds of the Haunted House) and remembering that in a world of truly terrifying things it can still be fun to be frightened.

Movie posters that freaked me out.

Dave Weird

This is awesome: a couple in Texas have built their home to be an exact replica, both inside and out, of the Munsters’ house.

Dave Weird

Star Trek just became a little bit more plausible: scientists announced the successful test of a invisibility cloak.

Now, where’s my holodeck?

Dave General

…to learn that I was not the first person to use the phrase “Hastert the Unspeakerable” in connection with the Foley scandal.

And if you don’t get the reference…

Dave General

I don’t collect as many action figures as I used to–really, Vic, I don’t–but I still get out to my local toy emporiums to see what’s new. Today at Toys ‘R’ Us (TRU in the toy geek vernacular), I found a new line of toys based, on all things, the film Rocky. Now, I’ve long ago ceased to be surprised by the odd media properties licensed by toy companies. Unlike the old days in which one might find something weirdly inappropriate and ironic just by chance–my poster child being the 18″ talking Freddy Krueger doll, complete with pull-string, that Matchbox made back in 1989–it’s now all too common to see toys marketed to adult collectors rather than kids.

Yet, I was not prepared for what met my eyes today, courtesy the Jakks toy company. Sure, there was Rocky himself, Apollo Creed, even Burgess Meredith. But then there was…

The Meat.

That’s right, the slab of beef Rocky used as a budget punching bag. And it’s not even an accessory; it rated its own card.

Today, I feel humbled. For I have met The Meat.

Dave Toys

I was almost dreading the beginning of the new fall season and the challenge of keeping up on all of what I consider to be “appointment TV.” Vic and I had just about cleared out the summer queue on our TiVo-Like Device^TM when the deluge began again.

Now, I know that you’re saying to yourself, “Dave, it’s entirely up to you how much TV you watch. Just drop some shows.” That’s true, but that’s also where my compulsive personality rears its obsessive head. When I pick up a show, I generally stick with it until circumstances such as ennui or protracted suckitude cause me to stop.

For that reason, I’m loathe to sample new series. I did try out Eureka this summer, but at least I knew that one would only be 13 episodes. (It was picked up for a second season.) For years, I resisted watching The Gilmore Girls with Vic despite the fact that I thoroughly enjoyed it–and Lauren Graham–anytime I happened upon it. This year, much the same is true of Ugly Betty. I saw last week’s episode and liked it, but I refuse to get hooked, especially given the mass hysteria that is now Thursday network TV.

Thursday, as you may know, is particularly valuable TV real estate because companies such as movie studios want to hit the audience hard before the weekend. For years, it was so thoroughly dominated by NBC that no one else even bothered to compete. But with the decline of “Must See TV,” everyone has jumped on like gangbangers on a date. Thursdays at 7:00 pm, the TV-LD^TM is tied up recording both Smallville and My Name is Earl, which leaves Vic watching Ugly Betty on the kitchen TV. And since I’m usually bowling on Wednesdays, we try to squeeze Lost in there as well before Vic moves onto Grey’s Anatomy and ER. (And, of course, The Daily Show and The Colbert Report always round out the evening.)

Here’s a list of the shows I regularly watch:

• Sundays
  • The Amazing Race, The Simpsons (mostly out of inertia at this point), The Venture Bros. (season ends this Sunday), Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law

• Mondays
  • How I Met Your Mother (one of my two favorite comedies), Everyone Hates Chris, The Class (a promising newcomer), Heroes (I’m finding it addictive), Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip (jury’s out on this one; more below), plus The Daily Show and The Colbert Report (Monday through Thursday for the latter two)

• Tuesdays
  • The Gilmore Girls

• Wednesdays
  • Lost (though I’m rapidly getting frustrated with the new season), 30 Rock (planning to sample this one because of Tina Fey)

• Thursdays
  • Smallville, My Name is Earl

• Fridays
  • Battlestar Galactica

• Saturdays
  • Nothing, thank God.

Monday and Thursday are my big problems, and some of that may shake out as shows get moved and/or cancelled. I’m not convinced that I’ll be sticking with Studio 60: it treats the production of a crappy, Saturday Night Live sketch comedy series with all the earnestness and world-on-fire importance of The West Wing. I might be able to swallow that if the show-within-the-show demonstrated any signs of being as brilliant or hilarious as we are told.

As I mentioned, I’m also getting annoyed with Lost, though I’m not even remotely at the point of dropping it. Last season’s finale posed a ton of exciting questions which the first two new episodes have completely ignored. What happened to the folks inside the exploding hatch? What does it mean that the detonation was observed in the outside world?

Instead, we’ve had two straight episodes of Jack, Kate and Sawyer being abused, beaten and interrogated by the mysterious Others, who seem intent on making the viewers believe that they are really the “good guys” and are just trying to protect their way of life. That might wash if they weren’t constantly beating, stealing from, shooting, kidnapping and killing our heroes. Oh, and being arrogant dicks. Note to producers: This is not fun, or even interesting. Meanwhile, it’s maddening that Jack and Company can’t even be bothered to ask their captors–who presumably know ALL of the answers–what the fuck is up with them and this weirdo island. Sure, they probably wouldn’t say, but Jack could at least pose the question.

I’ve found Heroes surprisingly gripping in its second and third outings after the premiere left me a bit cold. Both of the latter episodes ended on wonderful “gotcha” moments. And, like pretty much everyone else, I’m enamored with the time-and-space-bending Japanese geek Hiro.

Battlestar Galactica got off to a terrific start in its third season, though it’s disappointing that the show has lost nearly a third of its audience from this time last year. It’s not only one of the best sci-fi series ever, it’s one of the best dramas currently on the tube. The occupation of New Caprica by the Cylons and the subsequent insurgency (no, no Iraq parallels here) have raised the stakes and it seems all too possible that any of the main characters might buy the space farm at any moment.

So, that’s fall TV, and that’s not counting all the stuff that Vic watches. Man, I’m looking forward to the Christmas hiatus.

Dave TV

I know, I know…I haven’t been updating lately. I’d been crazy busy at work the last week or so. Plus, with the current shitty state of the world, I had little enthusiasm for writing about the usual pointless geek stuff.

Plus, there’s been a helluva lotta new TV on the tube. But more on that in the next post.

Dave General