I am enjoying the heck out of NBC’s Heroes, though I suspect that at least part of my satisfaction with it has everything to do with my recent dissatisfaction with Lost and its steadfast refusal to let loyal viewers see any of its cards.

The producers of Lost have said in countless interviews that they recognize the pitfalls of a series built around a central mystery, and took to heart the lessons of Twin Peaks and The X-Files, two shows which collapsed under the weight of their ever-mounting pile of unanswered questions. After last fall’s mini-season in which virtually nothing happened for six episodes, we were promised that answers would be forthcoming sooner rather than later.

And so, last week we finally learned the origin…

…of Jack’s tattoos.

Which, by the way, are actor Matthew Fox’s actual tattoos. The “5″ is a reference to his days on Party of Five.

So, while Lost continues to push its metaphorical button every 108 minutes and answer questions no one was asking, last night Heroes rewarded its fans with a HUGE info-dump of an episode. We learned the mysterious Mr. Bennet’s backstory, his previously unhinted-at connections with two recently introduced characters and much of his true motivations. Mind-reading Matt switched sides to save Bennet’s family, Claire revealed her fast-healing powers to everyone, and nuclear Ted went off (he got better). In other words, shit happened, and lots of it.

And that’s why I’m so frustrated with Lost. In recent interviews, its producers have demonstrated that they simply don’t understand why people are getting fed up with their endlessly delayed gratification. They seem to think that there are only two positions on the answer spigot, Trickle and Total Exposure.

Heroes puts the lie to that by showing that it’s possible to give up major information without selling out all its secrets. We learned much more about Bennet in this one episode than Lost has told us about “the Others” in two-and-a-half seasons, but there’s still plenty to learn about the organization for which he works.

I remain convinced that Lost could next week tell us the exact nature of the Island and still have plenty of story left. Even if the castaways (and the viewers) had a true understanding of what was happening to them and why, it wouldn’t mean that they were equipped to deal with the reality. They might even–oh, I don’t know–have to do shit.

Dave TV

Behold the latest creation to emerge from my basement workshop: the Inquisitor Lord atop his mighty Throne of Judgment!

The guy on the left is the Keeper of the Toilet Roll. It’s a shitty job, but someone’s gotta do it.

Gotta say one thing about the Inquisition, they don’t do anything halfway. You oughta see what they do with a loveseat.

Dave Games

For the past several years, I’ve been saying that we oughta have one really good snow. Not because I love driving through snow or shovelling it, but because…I don’t know, it just seems unnatural to live in the American Midwest and never see a significant accumulation.

And now?

Fuck that.

Dave Rant

More photos from my…er, games workshop: this time one of the new Warhammer 40,000 city buildings, the Sanctum Imperialis.

Dave Games

I gotta tell you, stories like the one about Lisa Marie Nowak make me happy I’m alive. Daily News TV critic David Bianculli has suggested that the made-for-TV movie version be called “The Pampered Astronaut.” And another David (Letterman) had a lot of fun on last night’s Late Show describing the love-struck space traveller as wearing “a wig and a diaper.” Here’s Letterman’s Top Ten List:

Top Ten Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You

• 10] Says “This is a giant leap for mankind” as she tosses you off a bridge.
• 9] You turn on CNN and see the Hubble Telescope focusing on your house.
• 8] She promises to “Take you out like Pluto.”
• 7] It sounds crazy, but you could swear Mars is following you.
• 6] You were on the Maury episode: I Had a Booty Call and Now an Astronaut is Trying to Kill Me.
• 5] Her previous attempt to kill you had been postponed due to high winds.
• 4] She poisons your Tang.
• 3] She says she looks forward to being the first to walk on your lifeless corpse.
• 2] Been getting threatening e-mails from connie@internationalspacestation.com.
• 1] She keeps stabbing you with a pen that writes upside-down. 

Dave Weird

Another “news of the weird” item: a NASA astronaut was arrested for allegedly attacking another woman whom she believed was a rival for the affections of a fellow astronaut. What makes this story extra-special for me is the following excerpt:

Nowak — who was a mission specialist on a Space Shuttle Discovery flight last summer — was wearing a trench coat and wig and had a knife, BB pistol, and latex gloves in her car, reports show. They also found diapers, which Nowak said she used so she wouldn’t have to stop on the 1,000-mile drive.

Dave Weird

I did indeed spurn yesterday’s ritualized headbutting for a late afternoon screening of Pan’s Labyrinth. Turns out that there were quite a few of us seeking asylum from sporting mayhem; there was a good turnout at the local art house.

My interest in the film was mostly due to its director, Guillermo del Toro. I loved his adaptation of Hellboy, and was suitably impressed by his earlier giant cockroach film, Mimic. He’s long been trying to launch a movie based on H.P. Lovecraft’s At the Mountains of Madness, and I think that if anyone could do it justice, it would be del Toro.

Pan’s Labyrinth takes place in Spain 1944, in the aftermath of a civil war (something they clearly didn’t cover in my history classes). It’s about a little girl who slips away from the horrors of the conflict and her monstrous stepfather–a brutal army captain–by slipping into a fantasy world in which she may just be the reincarnation of a lost princess.

It was a film that I admired more than I enjoyed. The fantasy sequences took up relatively little of the length, leaving me with a lot of time to spend among vicious and/or miserable people. We are shown the depravities of the Captain straight away in a scene in which he uses a bottle to repeated bash in the face of a suspected rebel (who, of course, is completely innocent). It’s far from the last time I saw him behave unspeakably, and it got to be a bit much. I don’t know that I’ve ever been more grateful to see a fictional character die.

Meanwhile, the film takes a coy, ambiguous approach to its fantasy escape. Are there really fairies and monsters, or is the girl merely imagining things? There’s certainly evidence to support both views. Her attempt to heal her mother’s illness with a magical mandrake root seems to work, and if not, it’s entirely too coincidental that the woman has a sudden relapse when the thing is tossed in the fireplace.

In the end, however, I felt that the film veered toward dismissing the fantasy as delusion. And if that’s the case, then the whole thing is too sad for words, because if the girl is not in fact a fairy princess, her story is entirely pointless. She accomplishes nothing, saves no one, and dies in the end. It’s “The Little Match Girl” with a vomiting toad.

I can appreciate the quality of the enterprise. The design work is terrific, the acting is solid (so far as I can tell, since the dialogue is in Spanish) and aside from a bit too much obvious day-for-night photography, it looks really good. But there was more real-life horror than I’d counted on, coupled with too little hope of escape.

Dave Movies

In forty-plus years of living in the American Midwest, I have never once watched a Super Bowl. I’ve always hated football for its brutality, and came to resent it further when I saw how it dominated and diminished all non-football activities in the town in which I grew up.

But if I was ever gonna watch a Super Bowl, this would be the year. It’s the Indianapolis Colts, hailing from the land of my youth, vs. the Chicago Bears, beloved champions of the state I’ve called home these past 16 years. The fact that I even know who’s playing is itself something of a shock, though my increased awareness of this year’s match didn’t stop me from being foolish enough to visit the deli counter at Schnucks’ on Game Day. The crackling excitement in the air threatens to form a tornado of ice as Illinois prepares to meet Indiana on the field of battle.

And…

So…

um…

I guess I’ll never watch a Super Bowl.

Hey, I hear Pan’s Labyrinth is pretty good! Save some popcorn for me!

Dave Rant

Yesterday, a very exciting project began at Casa del Thiel, as at last we began to finish our basement! (And by “we,” I mean the contractor friend of Vic’s dad that we hired.) It’s something we’ve been putting off for about eight years now, even though some of the work had been done by the previous owner.

A while back, we’d called in the Owings-Corning people and got an estimate of $30,000+ for their fancy-schmancy basement finishing system. After I awoke from my faint, they suggested that we could take out a ten year loan to pay it off, to which I replied, “Ummm…we’re going to have our entire house paid off before that.” We didn’t call them back.

The goal is to turn the majority of the basement into a second living room/game room. In addition, we’re walling off the washer/dryer and creating a storage closet for Christmas stuff. Meanwhile, my office/workshop will be fully closed off so that we have a place in which we can keep our cats (and us) in case of severe weather. (Right now, there’s no way to keep them down in the basement with us when things get all tornado-ey.) We’ll also be getting a ceiling, a floor, a sink, lots of lights and (best of all) heat ducts!

In the short run, we’ll probably wind up with a room with no furniture in it, as furniture’s not part of the budget at this time. But still, we’ll be one step closer to the dream!

The contractors are at home working away as I type this, and should be a part of our lives through the middle of next week. As you might expect, the cats are thrilled about this…

Dave General

More News of the Weird: during his recent visit to Peoria, George W. Bush attempted to run down reporters with a giant, earthmoving tractor.

Dave Weird