The film adaptation of Stephenie Meyer’s* teen vampire romance Twilight raked in $70 million this weekend.

This is one of those times when I’m grateful I never had a daughter.

When I made that comment to my wife this weekend, Vic said, “Yeah, but you know that if you did, you’d be taking her too.” Which is exactly my point. Whatever disappointment I may feel about choosing not to spawn, I can take solace in knowing that no one is expecting me to take them to shitty teen romance flicks. (Bonus: I’ve never had to watch any iteration of High School Musical.)

I was listening to an NPR story about the film’s premiere last Friday, and the tween girls were going on about how this was the story of their lives** and how it was the best movie ever***. I thought “What? Hadn’t they heard this sort of by-the-numbers undead love tale a hundred times before?” And I realized, they probably hadn’t. Never mind that Buffy the Vampire Slayer has only been off-the-air for five years (a generation in tween-time) or that there’s an entire literary-industrial complex devoted to necrophiliac eroticism.

Someone always has to be your first. Unfortunately, young lovers don’t often choose wisely.

* Mormons hate gay marriage, but unprotected vampire sex is okay.
** Really? Do your parents know about the vampires?
*** Rotten Tomatoes has it at 44%.

Dave Movies happy happy joy joy, tweens, vampires

I was extensively quoted in Sunday’s State Journal-Register in an article about the upcoming analog TV shutoff. To my annoyance, I am once again David “Theil,” despite my specifically pointing out to the reporter that many people screw up my name, and carefully spelling it for him.

Dave News David Thiel Superstar, digital tv

After last night’s episode, I think that I’m going to be adding CBS’ The Big Bang Theory to my not-a-TiVo queue. I’d largely avoided it during its first season, but it’s winning me over. It’s the accurate geek references that put it over the top.

Exhibit A: “I am not going to watch the Clone Wars TV series until I’ve seen the Clone Wars movie. I prefer to let George Lucas disappoint me in the order he intended.”

Exhibit B: A lengthy argument over which movie sucked more: Star Trek: The Motion Picture or Star Trek V: The Final Frontier.

(I did take issue with Sheldon’s contention that only parts of STV sucked while everything about ST:TMP was uniformly awful, including the music. Dude, that’s Jerry Goldsmith you’re dissing there. Besides, I believe that Sheldon would’ve appreciated the ST:TMP score for introducing what eventually became the main title theme of Star Trek: The Next Generation. I tried explaining this all to Vic, who told me that it was just a sitcom.*)

Exhibit C: The gang’s expansion of Rock-Paper-Scissors with the inclusion of Lizard and Spock.

• Scissors cuts Paper
• Paper covers Rock
• Rock crushes Lizard
• Lizard poisons Spock
• Spock smashes Scissors
• Scissors decapitates Lizard
• Lizard eats Paper
• Paper disproves Spock
• Spock vaporizes Rock
• Rock crushes Scissors

My favorite: “Paper disproves Spock.”

* I would further argue that Sheldon himself would nitpick the point if he’d heard it on another sitcom.

Update: Okay, turns out that Lizard and Spock have been around for a while.

Dave TV Clone Wars, George Lucas, nitpicking, Star Trek, The Big Bang Theory

The new trailer for next year’s Star Trek feature film is online. I’m guardedly optimistic. Love the new/old costume and starship designs. Unfortunately, the trailer is so freakin’ rapid-fire that it’s hard to get any read on the performances.

Still, it’s an attempt to make Trek relevant again, and I’m all for that.

Dave Sci-Fi Star Trek, trailers

A 90-year-old woman in Evanston, Illinois was living with the dead bodies of three siblings, one of whom had been deceased for decades. The article is unfortunately scarce on details. My first question was, “What were they wearing, and had they been posed?”

I’m going to suggest right now that my own friends may want to make periodic inspections of my home in the event that something happens to Vic.

Hey, hon, do you have a favorite outfit, or should I just pick one?

Updated: Maybe this occurred to you before it did me, but another question: Given the wide disparity between the various deaths, how long were the other siblings living with the corpses?

Dave Weird corpses, crazy people, unpleasant odors

The trailer for the upcoming Dreamworks animated film Monsters vs. Aliens.

Dave Movies Monsters Vs Aliens, trailers

My polling place is considerably more crowded than usual. The excessive amount of democracy has caused a corresponding drop in the oxygen level, and I’m pretty sure that prospective voters will start passing out around 9:30 am if they don’t prop open a door.

That said, it only took about a half hour to vote, most of which was spent carefully darkening circles on the ballot–to ensure that I didn’t accidentally vote for Ralph Nader–and reading the needlessly obtuse referendum verbiage. (Actual question: “Shall the limiting rate under the Property Tax Extension Limitation Law for the Champaign County Forest Preserve District, Champaign County, Illinois, be increased by an additional amount equal to .02% above the limiting rate for levy year 2007 and be
equal to .0919% of the equalized assessed value of the taxable property therein for levy year 2008?” Fuck if I know.)

As I took my voter form to a charming African-American poll worker, I thought to myself about the remarkable nature of this day. The span between Martin Luther King having a dream and millions of Americans marking a ballot to elect our first black president seemed simultaneously a few heartbeats and far, far too long.

I went back and darkened in my circles a bit more, as I listened to a parent with a gaggle of children in tow explain the voting process, and a couple of first-time voters struggle through the ballot questions. And after I’d deposited my completed form in the electronic scanner and received my “I Voted” sticker (which today I wear with pride), I felt for a moment that maybe all the nonsense of the past two years had been worth it. Perhaps this crazy democracy works after all.

Get back to me about it tomorrow.

Dave General about freakin' time, politics

Today marks the fourth anniversary of this blog. And I want to say “thanks” to my hundreds dozens ones of readers!

Dave Website blogs, David Thiel Superstar, thanks