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Doctor Who And The Terror Of The Fanwank

July 2nd, 2006

This weekend saw the penultimate episode of the second season of the revamped Doctor Who, and it was a real corker. By its cliffhanging end, the stage had been set not only for a conflict on a scale undreamt of by anyone connected with the original series, but for a fanwank of the highest order.

Viewers were finally introduced to the mysterious organization known as Torchwood, frequently cited as a shadowy investigatory agency in episodes going back as far as last season’s “Bad Wolf.” Torchwood was founded by Queen Victoria I after her chance meeting with the Doctor (in the episode “Tooth and Claw”) made her aware that England was vulnerable to alien threats, not the least of which was the Doc himself. The group has apparently existed in the background of the Doctor Who universe for more than a century, collecting and repairing all sorts of otherworldly technology with the express purpose of defending the British Empire.

Recently, they’d begun experimenting with a strange golden sphere which somehow exists outside of space and time, using its power to draw millions of strange “ghosts” from a parallel universe. And, of course, since this is Doctor Who we’re talking about, they can’t be merely ghosts…

Inviso-spoilers in the following paragraph; highlight the text to see it.

Begin SPOILER: The ghosts are in reality a colossal army of Cybermen eager to break through the dimensional barrier and convert the people of Earth into metallic organisms such as themselves. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the sphere itself isn’t the product of Cyber technology, but is revealed to be the hiding place of a squad of Daleks ready to unleash their own brand of murderous hate upon the universe. Next week: Daleks vs. Cybermen! The ultimate fanwankery! Will Rose Tyler survive? Will thousands of fanboys explode from overkill? End SPOILER.

I can hardly wait for part two!

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