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Cliff Notes

September 25th, 2006

Recently I’ve been enjoying The Comics Curmudgeon, a blog which eviscerates newspaper comic strips and regularly proves to be much more amusing than the funnies themselves.

Lately, he’s devoted a lot of attention to a Mary Worth storyline in which the old busybody finds herself warding off the unwanted attentions of one Aldo Kelrast. Aside from an unfortunate resemblance to Captain Kangaroo, Aldo also has a problem faced by many comic book villains: his last name is an oh-so-subtly scrambled description of his overriding personality trait. (You figure it out.)

Unfortunately for Mr. Kelrast, the Curmudgeon, and anyone hoping to see Mary Worth erupt into an alcohol-fueled bloodbath, the storyline abruptly wrapped up last week. After an “intervention” on the part of Mary’s friends (she has friends?), Aldo gets drunk and has a fatal car crash.

The reason I bring this up is because I absolutely love the strip depicting Aldo’s date with density:

Honestly, is it any wonder that Aldo went off that cliff? I mean, do you have to be roaring drunk to not suspect that the otherwise perfectly normal stretch of roadway you’re on abruptly ends in an unmarked, unbarricaded, crumbling precipice? It wouldn’t surprise me if there was a huge pile of wrecked cars, smashed wheelchairs and twisted bodies of skateboard punks at the bottom of that gorge. (And a huddle of personal injury attorneys standing just to the left.) What kind of cheap-ass road work goes on in Mary’s hometown?

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