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Dangerous And Diapered

February 7th, 2007

I gotta tell you, stories like the one about Lisa Marie Nowak make me happy I’m alive. Daily News TV critic David Bianculli has suggested that the made-for-TV movie version be called “The Pampered Astronaut.” And another David (Letterman) had a lot of fun on last night’s Late Show describing the love-struck space traveller as wearing “a wig and a diaper.” Here’s Letterman’s Top Ten List:

Top Ten Signs An Astronaut Is Trying To Kill You

  • 10] Says “This is a giant leap for mankind” as she tosses you off a bridge.
  • 9] You turn on CNN and see the Hubble Telescope focusing on your house.
  • 8] She promises to “Take you out like Pluto.”
  • 7] It sounds crazy, but you could swear Mars is following you.
  • 6] You were on the Maury episode: I Had a Booty Call and Now an Astronaut is Trying to Kill Me.
  • 5] Her previous attempt to kill you had been postponed due to high winds.
  • 4] She poisons your Tang.
  • 3] She says she looks forward to being the first to walk on your lifeless corpse.
  • 2] Been getting threatening e-mails from connie@internationalspacestation.com.
  • 1] She keeps stabbing you with a pen that writes upside-down. 
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