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He’s Jamming Down The Pedal Like He’s Never Coming Back

May 5th, 2008

The forthcoming Speed Racer film looks to have numerous references to the original cartoons, among them the Mammoth Car, Snake Oiler and Kabala. However, the one featured most prominently in both the trailers and the merchandise is the super-car known as the GRX.

The GRX debuted in the story “The Fastest Car on Earth.” Indeed, the experimental GRX engine was so powerful that it had already claimed the lives of four drivers, and was subsequently buried in a cemetery. Naturally, people simply couldn’t let sleeping engines lie, and so grave robbers dug it up and loaded it into the back of a hearse, no less.

Installed into a dazzling, golden car by its new owner–the venomous Oriena Flux–the GRX was so fast that its driver had to be sprayed with “V Gas,” a drug that heightened reflexes and made the subject immune to fear. Unfortunately, it came with a side effect: extreme thirst which when satiated brought unbridled terror of speed. (Other reported side effects include headache, nausea, eczema, spontaneous combustion, cheese aversion, and tertiary testicular growth. Consult with your doctor before taking V Gas.)

Our own Speed Racer became obsessed with the idea of driving the fastest car in the world, and volunteered to be a test subject for the V Gas. Pushing the GRX past 340 mph, he entered a state of crazed euphoria.

Kids, don’t do drugs.

The real trouble started when Trixie kindly gave Speed a glass of water, leaving him in quaking fear on the drive home. Subsequently, the Racer family did what they always did when one of their own was suffering withdrawal symptoms: they tied him to a chair and employed the Ludovico technique. Pops ran a projector displaying film of a car in motion over and over until Speed recovered. (You shoulda seen how they handled Spritle’s candy addiction.)

The GRX was destroyed at last when its new driver couldn’t resist the temptation to take a swig of water. (Reported side effects of water include tremors, incontinence, unexpected hair growth, and fiery wreck.)

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