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At Least The Title Is Good

March 22nd, 2005

The other night, CBS (aka “The Tiffany Network”) aired its new made-for-TV movie, Spring Break Shark Attack, which may take the crown for Most Self-Explanatory Film Title. I didn’t watch it–because, honestly, do you really need to watch Spring Break Shark Attack to understand Spring Break Shark Attack–but I did enjoy the commercial in which frolicking beach teens see hundreds of shark fins in military formation.

As much as I love the title Spring Break Shark Attack, it doesn’t compare to the moniker of last week’s “Sci-Fi Channel Original,” Mansquito. Again, I didn’t see it, because I feel strongly that the joy of being aware of the existence of a movie called Mansquito would be undercut by having to sit through it. Though I’m told that someone actually says, “Hey! Mansquito!” That might almost make the experience worthwhile. On the other hand, if I can find the appropriate clip, I can save myself 90 minutes.

But neither of these unseats my favorite TV-movie title ever, Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? This 1996 flick stars Tori Spelling, as it should. I don’t know what it’s about, and I feel secure in my ignorance. What I love about Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? is that no matter how you parse it, it makes no sense. Would anyone ask their mom’s permission to sleep with danger? Mom would almost certainly say “no.” And even if someone sought parental approval, wouldn’t one simply ask “Mother, may I sleep with Joe?” That’s assuming that the boyfriend’s name was Joe. Unless he’s Joe Danger. That would make sense. And it would be kinda cool to date Joe Danger. But, still, I don’t think anyone, even Tori Spelling, would ever ask her folks if she could sleep with danger. Which is what makes Mother, May I Sleep With Danger? the best movie title ever.

From now on, I would appreciate it if you would refer to me by my new, official nickname, Mansquito.

Update: When I searched the web for the name Mansquito, Google asked “Did you mean to search for: mosquito?” No, damn it! When I say that I want Mansquito, I want Mansquito!

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