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Translation Guide

March 15th, 2011

“I am not a prude, but…”

Translation: I am a prude, as I’m about to demonstrate.

“Politically, I’m independent.”

Translation: Once about every ten years, my preferred party nominates someone so odious that even I can’t vote for him/her.

“I’ve never thought of you in that way.”

Translation: BOOBS BOOBS BOOBS

“Scientology is in no way a rapacious cult.”

Translation: I’ve received a letter from David Miscavige’s lawyers.

“I am a citizen journalist.”

Translation: I am a partisan hack.

“How about I tell them I’m a high priest Vatican assassin warlock.”

Translation: Even I can’t stand watching “Two and a Half Men.”

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