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Something For Which I Am Thankful

November 24th, 2008

The film adaptation of Stephenie Meyer’s* teen vampire romance Twilight raked in $70 million this weekend.

This is one of those times when I’m grateful I never had a daughter.

When I made that comment to my wife this weekend, Vic said, “Yeah, but you know that if you did, you’d be taking her too.” Which is exactly my point. Whatever disappointment I may feel about choosing not to spawn, I can take solace in knowing that no one is expecting me to take them to shitty teen romance flicks. (Bonus: I’ve never had to watch any iteration of High School Musical.)

I was listening to an NPR story about the film’s premiere last Friday, and the tween girls were going on about how this was the story of their lives** and how it was the best movie ever***. I thought “What? Hadn’t they heard this sort of by-the-numbers undead love tale a hundred times before?” And I realized, they probably hadn’t. Never mind that Buffy the Vampire Slayer has only been off-the-air for five years (a generation in tween-time) or that there’s an entire literary-industrial complex devoted to necrophiliac eroticism.

Someone always has to be your first. Unfortunately, young lovers don’t often choose wisely.

* Mormons hate gay marriage, but unprotected vampire sex is okay.
** Really? Do your parents know about the vampires?
*** Rotten Tomatoes has it at 44%.

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