web analytics
Home > Movies > Run Time Error EOFException In Your Local Multiplex

Run Time Error EOFException In Your Local Multiplex

October 24th, 2005

Today sees the release of Doom, the long-awaited (no, I’m just kidding, no one was waiting for this one) motion-picture adaptation of the popular computer game series. Unsurprisingly, early reviews suggest that it’s not very good. On the other hand, it is amusing to read critiques that it’s an Aliens rip-off, as if the underlying videogame had been any different.

Making a Doom movie has got to be one of the most thankless jobs outside of process server. Do it right and people accuse you of making a mindless bullet-fest. Do it wrong, and those with Ctl-key calluses will be all over you for leaving out their favorite pixelated horror. “Where’s the Mancubus?!?” they’ll scream, even though I will personally be much more upset if they dare to exclude the Cacodaemon.

Last night, The Rock came on The Daily Show to promote the film, toting the so-called BFG, which, as everyone knows, definitely does not stand for “Big Fucking Gun.” The Rock seems like a pretty nice guy, even if he has crappy taste in film projects and insists on calling himself “The Rock.” I wish him well. And I have to admit that I really, really want a replica of the BFG.

I’m told that in order to better replicate the game experience, Doom the movie includes a five-minute sequence shot entirely from the “first-person shooter” viewpoint. Because that’s what we go to movies for: to pay eight bucks for the privilege of watching someone else play a videogame.

What I want to know is whether I’ll be allowed to watch the movie in my underwear, because that’s how I’ve dressed for just about every game of Doom I’ve ever played.

Update: It appears that Doom disappointed both fans and studio execs. While taking the number one slot at the box office with $15 million, it came in below expectations. Perhaps those with higher expectations hadn’t seen the trailer.

Box Office Mojo editorialized that “Successful video game adaptations like Lara Croft: Tomb Raider, Mortal Kombat and Resident Evil had some awareness outside gaming circles of their characters or set-ups.” That’s a dubious observation, in my view. I doubt that the latter two were better known to the average joe-on-the-street than the infamous Doom, alleged inspiration for the Columbine shootings and any number of teen outrages. And Lara Croft‘s success was balanced solely on the appeal of Angelina Jolie’s enormous tits.

I suspect that the problems were two-fold. First, those who do know Doom know that there’s no there there: for all its visceral joy, there’s virtually no plot or character to interest filmgoers. Second, videogame and action movie fans could surely see the stink waves coming off this one. It looked bad…’80s shoot-em-up flick airing for the 263rd time on USA Network bad.

My understanding is that the filmmakers chose to dump many of the details that gave Doom its unique flavor among first-person-shooters, including its iconic monster designs and its underlying “marines in Hell” concept. So, why bother? This is a sure way to please no one, least of all the folks most likely to see a videogame-based movie.

Categories: Movies Tags:
Comments are closed.