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Posts Tagged ‘endless nightmare’

Dust Bowl Days

January 30th, 2009 No comments

Today marks Day Three of our installation of a new basement floor to replace the one ruined by last year’s flood. The work crew has been here since Wednesday, and I’m at home this morning holding down the fort until Vic relieves me.

This time we went for tile instead of vinyl laminate, as it will allegedly hold up better should we ever have another flood. The downside is that the last three days have been filled with the nigh-constant sound of tile being cut with a rotary saw. Meanwhile, the dust is everywhere. It’s amazing just how far it travels. I’m upstairs in the living room, and even here I can feel myself being coated with a thin layer of dust.

Reportedly the work will be finished tomorrow, which means I’ll spend this weekend dragging shit back down into the basement! Woo?

Updated: It will not be finished tomorrow. In fact, they can’t come back ’til Tuesday. Meanwhile, most everything that was in the basement will remain upstairs, and there’ll be no point in cleaning. Oh, and did I mention we’ve now got a leak in our bathroom ceiling? Fun times, fun times.

Further Updated: Turns out the thin layer of dust upstairs is nothing compared to the thick layer of dust downstairs. Vic and I had to embark on a minor cleaning binge just to maintain a small semblance of sanity over the next few days. If this thing isn’t wrapped up by Wednesday, there will be hell to pay.

Categories: General Tags: ,

The Weather Outside Is Frightful

January 15th, 2009 No comments

As I came in to work this morning, it was literally -10 F degrees out, with a wind chill of -33 F. My Prius, which helpfully displays a cheerful snowflake on my dash whenever the temperature approaches the freezing mark, stopped counting at about -6 and just put up the message “FUCK IT’S COLD.” Every school is closed with the exception of Parkland Community College and, of course, the University of Illinois, which makes it a point of pride that they only shut down for weather-related reasons once every twenty years.

So, here’s how things work. If you’re a kid, well then naturally you get to stay home. You’re delicate. If you’re a high schooler, you get to stay home as well. High School Musical 2 ain’t gonna watch itself. But if you’re a couple of years older, then you’d better wrap up and get walkin’, because it’s a half-mile to class and the blood in your legs will only freeze more quickly if you stand around yappin’. And if you’re a grown-up, then GET TO WORK. There’s no lolligagging at the U of I. Unless it’s been designated a “reduced service day,” when they tell you not to come in but don’t actually give you the day off. (That’s a cost-saving measure they’ve begun employing around the holidays the past few years.)

For what it’s worth, Ball State University–where I got my degree–used to do this sort of thing as well. One time, when temperatures reached a similar condition, the chancellor infamously told complaining students to “put on another muffler.” Yeah, and you can bet he had to schlep across campus, instead of arriving at his reserved parking space in his toasty luxury car.

The Jedi Purge

June 22nd, 2008 No comments

Last week, I made a major lifestyle choice. No, not what you’re thinking, though it’s now legal in California. Rather, a few days back I decided that enough was at last enough. It was time to stop the madness, and take back the toyroom.

As you know, I’ve been collecting Star Wars toys since they first arrived on store shelves in 1978. Back then, I idly thought one day that eventually there might be as many as sixty or seventy different action figures based on the promised nine films, and that it would be fun to set them up in little dioramas.

I had no idea what I was getting myself in for.

By the time the original Kenner toy line ended in 1985, 96 different figures had been released. (The most figures to come out in a single year were the 17 that accompanied the premiere of Return of the Jedi.) That was more than I had originally expected, but still a pretty reasonable total. With extra “army builders” such as stormtroopers, I had perhaps 130 total.

And indeed, I did follow through with my grand plan of collecting them all and setting up my little scenes. There were usually two reactions to my display: visitors were either impressed or frightened. (Vic was unusual in that she didn’t react at all.)

Flash forward to 1995, when the line was relaunched. While the early releases were absurdly beefy, with time the sculpts improved and they began to replace their so-called “vintage” counterparts in my scenes. Eventually, I purged most of my original figures, partially because I wanted to take advantage of their escalating secondary-market value, and partially because the plastic used to make them was getting tacky with age.

When the first of the prequels premiered in 1999, I had a choice: should I continue my collection with the new characters, or just stick with the original films? I thought “Do I really want to spend another eight years incessantly running to toy stores?” But I thought “At least then it will be over.”

Hah, hah, hah.

Nine years later, the line is still going strong. Too strong. The allegedly final film was released in 2005, but there are dozens and dozens of Star Wars toys planned for the next several months alone. Some of that is due to new media projects in the works, some due to the mature collectors market which allows the creation of ever more obscure characters to serve in “exclusive” boxed sets, and some due to what I believe to be sheer cussedness on the part of Hasbro.

The latter has manifested itself in a never-ending, rainbow coalition of droids in new paint schemes. Hasbro learned that people such as myself would buy R2-D2 dozens of times over if each was a different color. (And of course, the same trick was used for the many “astromech” droids seen in the films.)

The clone troopers have been even worse. Unlike the stormtroopers of old, which came solely in white, the many squadrons of clones seen in Revenge of the Sith each had their own unit colors. (The better to market to you, my dear.) There were orange clones, red clones, purple clones (yes, really)…

Then someone got the bright idea that the ones from the film weren’t enough. It was child’s play to create brand new clone squadrons. Bring on the “exclusives!”

The poster child for this trend was last year’s 14-figure set of repainted clones and Boba Fett knockoffs. Fourteen figures–nearly as many as the most prolific year of the original Star Wars toy line–and ten of them couldn’t even claim a tie to an “official” film, comic, novel or videogame.

I surprised myself by not being suckered into buying them for the sake of completism. It was harder than it sounds; I sometimes think I’m borderline OCD. But once I passed on those, it became just a little easier to avoid other “exclusives” of similarly dubious provenance.

Still, the toys piled up, and spilled off the overcrowded shelves onto the floor. It was a mess, and the collection was becoming harder to manage. It was starting to become more frustrating than fun.

Plus, I got fucking sick of this face:

It’s what you see every time you look under a clone trooper’s helmet. Naturally enough, as they’re all meant to be identical. But still, what’s the joy of an action figure with a removable helmet if it’s always the same damned face underneath? And now they’re even giving us classic trilogy stormtroopers with that same head!

As I sat in a movie theater a few weeks ago watching the trailer for the newest Star Wars media project, an animated film based on the Clone Wars, I realized that George Lucas had learned his lesson. Last time a Star Wars trilogy ended, it was a mere two years before the merchandising empire died out. He’s not gonna let it happen this time. After the Clone Wars cartoons there’s going to be a multi-season, live-action series set in the time period between the trilogies. And of course, an endless supply of spin-off stories spinning off an endless supply of figures…and on and on and on…

So, as I said, enough is enough.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not saying I won’t buy any more Star Wars toys. And I’m not saying that I’m getting rid of all the ones I’ve already got. But what I am doing is getting back to my roots, and as a consequence, giving up any pretense of completism.

The truth is that while I’ve made my peace with the prequels, I’ve never really loved them the way I do the original trilogy. What I’ve decided is that all those Jedi, battle droids and especially those thrice-damned clones need to go.

And so, last week I began to cull my toyroom on a larger scale than ever before. In honor of the secret command that led to the purge of the Jedi in Revenge of the Sith, I’m calling it “Order 66.”

I tore down the displays and rebuilt them from scratch with a sole focus on the original films. No more scenes with fifteen guys in identical brown robes. No more Creamsicle colored clones. And no obligation to buy every damned thing that comes from Hasbro even if it did show up in a comic book once.

The toyroom now looks great. Most everything is off the floor. And losing the prequel displays gave me more room for Lego models. I even completely reorganized the closet. It’s very satisfying.

I did keep some prequel figures: background aliens, astromechs, and the various Sith lords. Also a few favorite items, such as General Grievous’ wheel bike and the vicious Acklay beast.

As for the rest…well, that’s phase two. The next step is to sort several hundred action figures and vehicles into lots, and to dig out their respective accessories. Then, it’s on to eBay!

I know that you probably don’t realize how big a step this is for me. I’ve been collecting this crap for thirty years, and whatever frustration I and my wallet have been feeling lately, there was a lot of inertia willing me onward. I’m not exactly Rosa Parks on the bus here, but I am taking back at a little piece of my life, and it feels good.