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Posts Tagged ‘search terms’

Seriously, There Are No Alison Brie Fakes Here

November 1st, 2010 No comments

You know what’s annoying? When you spend an entire month profiling Japanese monsters, then check your web stats to find the following list of top search terms:

#reqs search term
97 alison brie fakes
69 barbie musketeer
65 count von count
56 tina fey
50 dragnet
40 carrie fisher hot
40 velma scooby doo actress
37 tina fey is hot
32 jerry dandridge
29 gozer the destructor
26 sanctum imperialis
26 vermithrax
23 tina fey hot
22 spock
21 vermithrax pejorative
21 godzilla toys
19 musketeer barbie
16 tina fey fakes
15 star wars visions
13 alison brie fake

Okay, I know that I’ve encouraged the “Alison Brie fakes” thing. (Fun fact: I am now the top Google hit for that term, despite the complete lack of such content.) Alison, have no fear; I will not be pasting your head on anyone else’s body now or in the future.

But, come on…why the fuck am I still getting all these hits for “Barbie Musketeer?” Folks, I have mentioned Musketeer Barbie exactly once, in the context of a post about Hallmark ornaments made nearly a year and a half ago. There will never again be a post about Barbie Musketeers on this blog unless it’s me bitching about the people coming here looking for them.

I spent the entire month of July blogging about the cult favorite film Flash Gordon. Hmm…what doesn’t appear even once on the list? Speed Racer? Nope. Latitude Zero? Hell, no.

Guys, I am very disappointed in you.

Excuse Me, But Can You Direct Me To The Orange Bomb Squad Troopers?

July 21st, 2009 No comments

Pulling up the latest list of search terms that brought people to this site, I find that Tina Fey has regained her well-deserved position at the top of the heap with 16 hits. I’m sure that’s almost as much an honor for her as was receiving all those Emmy nominations.

However, I cannot account for the equal number of hits on the phrase “star wars the clone wars clone bomb squad trooper toy.” Or the 12 additional hits on “star wars the clone wars bomb squad trooper toy.” (No, they’re not the same: he realized that the second “clone” was unnecessary. However, the second “wars” remained untouched.)

Then there were the four hits for “star wars the clone wars bomb squad trooper toy not lego,” followed by four hits for “star wars the clone wars orange bomb squad troopers.” Undaunted by persistent failure, our intrepid explorer made three attempts to find “star wars the clone wars orange bomb squad troopers toy,” then–in a cunning reversal of his previous strategy–thrice searched for “star wars the clone wars orange bomb squadron clones.” And finally, he made a hail Mary pass and pared it down to “star wars the clone wars bomb squad trooper.” Three more times. Just in case the first two got wedged into one of those Internet tube-things.

It all makes me pine for the day when all that I had to worry about were the folks searching for “neil patrick harris penis.”

Fun With Search Engines

July 12th, 2009 No comments

Here are some of the search phrases currently bringing people to Thiel-a-Vision:

The top entry, with 13 hits, is “Batman digs this day.” Ironically, my use of that phrase was itself a reference to the blog that they’re actually trying to find.

“Dave Thiel” is second with seven hits, and “Spock” is third with four. “Sarah Jane Simth” brought three people here, despite the misspelling.

“Neil Patrick Harris penis” is holding strong with three hits, even though the only discussion of “Neil Patrick Harris penis” to be found here is my fascination with the people who come here looking for “Neil Patrick Harris penis.” I really, really can’t help you.

There were also three hits for “hotbabes at the doctor,” which I’m fairly certain one cannot find here, and two for “Tina Fey in fishnets,” which one can, in fact, find here. Twice.

My favorite search phrase, without question, is the following: “who did the fucking artwork for the star wars unleashed leia figure and no i don’t want any ebay fucking ad.” That’s someone working out their frustration via Google, that is. I will bet that search took him to a lot of eBay ads.

By the way, I don’t know who did the fucking artwork for the Star Wars Unleashed Leia figure. My guess it’s the same person who did the art for the rest of the line. Hope that helps.

Cross Over Children! All Are Welcome!

June 8th, 2009 No comments

Checking the web stats for thiel-a-vision.com, I am always amused by the search terms that bring wandering spirits here.

My Land of the Lost posts have attracted some attention. Current top search term: “the zarn.” Others inlcude “zarn lost,” “zarn lotl,” “land of the lost fred zarn,” “land of the lost zarn you make me feel bad,” “altrusians sleestak,” “sleestaks and pylons,” “land of the lost time schedule old vision not movie,” and “when i look all around i can’t believe the things i’ve found.”

There are also some puzzlers. For some reason, I got five hits for “crossdresser trekkies,” one more than for “dave thiel.” I just did a search of my site, and I can guarantee you that at no point does the phrase “crossdresser trekkies” appear on it. (Er, until now. Damn.)

People came here looking for oddly specific information, such as “directions how to make dr.octopus arms in lego.” You won’t find that here either, but to be honest, that sounds pretty interesting. There were also a pair of hits for “how to write film treatment for earth vs the flying saucers ?” (Yes, they included the question mark.)

The one search term that I can categorically state has never previously appeared on my blog is “neil patrick harris penis.” If you came here looking for “neil patrick harris penis,” you were sorely disappointed. You will never find “neil patrick harris penis” here.

I wonder how well “neil patrick harris penis” will fare the next time I check my web stats.

Keep Searching

April 18th, 2009 No comments

One of the benefits of my new blogging home is that now I get web stat reports. And my favorite feature is the list of search terms that brought folks to my humble page.

The current top term, with 20 hits, is “dave thiel.” “Tina fey” received eight hits. My recent post regarding the trailer for The Bike King and the Ten Commandments snagged another eight hits under different search permutations.

Other notable terms: “the watchmen blue penis” (two hits), “legion of super ticklish” (two more), and “the seven faces of dr lao hulu” (one hit).

But my favorite is the last one on the list, a completely inexplicable entry that reads: “star wars create your own jedi knight trained by obi won made from lego and play it not a video game and you can play it.”

So, to whomever it was who desperately searched the World Wide Web for “star wars create your own jedi knight trained by obi won made from lego and play it not a video game and you can play it” and wound up here, welcome. I hope that you found what you were looking for.