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Posts Tagged ‘spam’

What The %#$@?

February 15th, 2005 No comments

As I’ve mentioned before, one of the joys of opening my morning e-mail is the spam I receive from a certain purported prescription drug dealer. He/she (it?) apparently uses some sort of random name generator for the “From:” line, with occasional hilarious results. (e.g., Sniffed C. Eskimos)

This morning, I got one from Mermaid E. Bipartisan. (It’s good to know that senators from the sunken city of Atlantis are reaching across the aisle.) For the first time, I decided to look past the funny name and actually read the message text. What follows is the actual text of the e-mail, minus the links. Where possible, I’ve tried to replicate the formatting. (Italics added by me.)

From: Mermaid E. Bipartisan
Sent: Tuesday, February 15, 2005 6:24 AM
To: Dthiel
Subject: No perscription needed, all best medication!

Alas! regardless of their doom, the little victims play! No sense have they of ills to come nor care beyond today.

You should look straight at a film that’s the only way to see one. Film is not the art of scholars but of illiterates.
Dthiel, You just found the greatest and simpliest site for M3d$ication on the net. No pr:-scription, easy d31lvery.

Private, secure, and easy. shortwaves internees renunciant.

I dream, therefore I exist. betrayment epistemologically

We`ve got everything that you will ever want. unwadded assumptive. Erection treatment p1lls, anti-depressant p1lls, weight loss, and more http://unsiding.astronomersledby.com/?a=335ametaboly pursuers clerkish.

Nothing so fortifies a friendship as a belief on the part of one friend that he is superior to the other. The greater the difficulty, the greater the glory.

Only high-quality stuff for low rates!
100″/.. moneyback guarantee!

Believing: it means believing in our own lies. And I can say that I am grateful that I got this lesson very early. Books are divided into two classes, the books of the hour and the books of all time.

And again, I say, “What The %#$@?” Do they want to sell me drugs…or philosophy? Or perhaps a spellcheck program? Someone really needs to teach these spammers the art of the sale, that’s what I’m sayin’.

P.S. If you plug unsiding.astronomersledby.com into your web browser, you really do get a site offering medical supplies. Do they randomly generate its URL as well?

P.P.S. On said site, I could find no mention of pursuers, clerkish or otherwise. However, I will say it was the simpliest provider of unwadded assumptive I’ve ever encountered.

Categories: Weird Tags: ,

Spam Buddies

November 15th, 2004 No comments

Like pretty much anyone possessing both respiration and an Internet connection, I face a daily deluge of spam e-mails regarding cheap prescriptions for “Vic0din, “Viakgra” and, of course, “!!ī�忬ü �볳!!ī��ſ���� ���湮,������.”

My favorites, however, have nothing to do with their content, but rather with the names that appear in their address line. Every week, a Mysterious Cyberspace Entity (or MCE) sends me dozens of messages offering “Best rates on medication, shipping worldwide!” Each bears a unique user name, all seemingly generated by combining two random words and a middle initial: for instance, Hankies O. Standards, Input H. Eulogy and Diviners R. Corroborates. I’m not entirely certain whether the MCE believes I’ll mistake these for actual names, or just feels that they have to have something more interesting than “Hot Teen Sluts” in the header. (Though honestly, what could be more interesting?)

Sometimes, the randomness produces apt results, such as Strongholds R. Routed. (Think about it.) Other times, it outdoes itself and creates something truly sublime like Miaplacidus V. Flywheels. I had to look it up: Miaplacidus is another name for the star Beta Carinae, combining the Latin word for “placid” with the Arabic word for “waters.” I am considering naming my next child Miaplacidus.

But this weekend I received perhaps the greatest of these to date. “Searching for PlIIS lumbrous in internet? naphthalize poikilothermic” was the top line of the message. And the sender?

Sniffed C. Eskimos.

Honestly, it sounds less like a medication provider, and more like an offer for naso-Inuit porn. “Hot Eskimo-Sniffing Action!!!”

Well, Mr. Flywheels, if that is indeed your name, I salute you, and eagerly await your next posting.

Categories: General Tags: ,